After light breakfast, the TV remote control was in her mum’s hand. Sitting at her usual favourite spot – the left corner of the couch at the living room, she simply pressed on the buttons on the remote control hoping it would lead to the channel that she wanted to watch. No matter how many times Christie and her dad taught her mum the purpose of each button, she just can’t remember it, at all. So, there were times where her mum accidentally pressed on the power off button or disconnected from the preset WIFI.
(O.S.) That’s norm and nothing much we could do about it. Let her be. We would fix any TV channel setting issue then. Her memory state has been deteriorating for years.
Christie took two-week leave from work and spent it at her hometown. She stayed with her parents. Both her brothers already moved out for their married life, respectively. Christie didn’t arrange much friend gathering or meet up this home trip. Today, her dad wanted to cook some dishes and have lunch at home, as his planned. He was delighted to have Christie home and wanted her to enjoy more home-cook meals. The evening before, both of them went to the supermarket and bought some food and ingredients in advance.
Her dad started getting himself busy at the kitchen. Christie continued occupying the dining table, operated on her laptop checking on her work-related emails if there was any urgent matter that she needed to attend to. From time to time, Christie would peek at her mum’s way just to check if she’s doing fine. Her mum has lost her ability to walk on her own. Her left foot has somewhat shrunk and the foot palm bended inward. Her weak knees also can no longer support her body weight. Wheelchair was her daily must use equipment.
The more days Christie spent at home and assisted her dad on supporting mum’s daily needs (e.g. frequent visits to toilet, take items on her behalf, send here to bedroom/dining room/living room using the wheelchair) really used up most of her body strength. Christie could really comprehend and understand the tiresome her dad experienced every day but her two siblings won’t see and felt it much as they only visited home once or twice a month. Especially her youngest brother who won’t even give a hand to mum. He would only call out lour for dad on mum’s toilet needs. He presented himself as a guest rather than a family member of the house.
Nearly half past one afternoon, four dishes and one soup were well presented at the dining table. Her dad quickly took a shower before joining them for the lunch. Christie waited for him as she wasn’t very hungry to have started her lunch first. When her dad is done with the shower, he pushed the wheelchair to bring mum over. Christie saw her mum’s head was looking down towards her chest direction, as if she was dozed off on the couch. Her dad called for her mum to wake up and have lunch. She didn’t wake up right away, she lifted her head for a second and then went back to the same dozed off position. Dad kept on waking her up and tried to get her onto the wheelchair. That took about five minutes to wake her up. When she arrived at the dining table on the wheelchair, her eyes were still tightly close.
(O.S.) Her face is so pale.
Her dad kept calling and talking to her mum. He put his palm on her forehead.
Dad: Why her body was so cold? Dear, are you okay? Wake up to have some food. Dear?
Her mum didn’t answer much, She was so tired to even lifting up her head. Dad lifted her head and let her head rest a bit on the head rest of the dining chair. She was mumbling a little with her eyes still close.
Dad: Her condition doesn’t look right.
Her dad was totally in a worried-state. Christie watched her mum and not quite know what to do next. Christie was assessing if her mum was just simply tired and sleepy or something bad to happen.
Her dad scooped some rice and vegetable gravy and fed to mum. Mum only opened her mouth after a few calls from dad. She ate a little from the spoon and continue rested her head on the head rest support.
(O.S.) She looks really tired.
Christie: Mum, mum, eat some more food. Mum!
Dad tried to take a few sips of the lunch while busy starring at mum’s state. Christie can tell that her dad has lost his appetite for lunch despite he cooked so many yummy dishes.
Dad: Call your brothers. See if they can come over. She (referring to mum) doesn’t look right…
Her dad spoke in monotone. Christie tried to calm him down.
Christie: She’d be alright. She’s just sleepy and tired.
Dad: Normally, she won’t be like this. And her body temperature was rather cold as well.
Her dad touched on her mum’s arm, caress her forehead, called for her hoping she would to be a little conscious state.
Christie ended up dropping a message to her brothers asking if they have time, just visit home, as mum looked extremely tired today. Her elder brother quickly returned a message asking what happened. A few seconds later, Christie’s sister in-law (i.e. her elder brother’s wife) called.
Sister in-law: Sis, what happened to mum? Is she okay?
Christie answered the phone and looked at both her parents. Her dad already brought her mum to sleep flat on her bed, in her bedroom which was just right next to the dining room Christie can still see them from where she sat. Her dad was caressing her mum’s forehead with his left palm while his right palm holding onto her right palm. Her dad kept talking softly to her mum, asking if she feels okay; if she’s tired; if she wanted to eat something. Her mum only replied with an “Emm…” tone and said “Tired” after a long pause.
Christie: mum was sitting in the living room in the morning. Now, time for lunch, her head was dotted low and her face was pale. Dad was worried that her time’s up. So, asking if you guys wanted to come over to have a look at her.
Sister in-law: I see. The kids are still at tuition centre. We might come over right after that. Sis, what do you think about mum state?
Christie: Hmm… I think she is tired. Let me keep observing her situation and keep you all updated again.
Sister in-law: Okay. We’d try to arrange at our end as well.
Christie: Okay, bye.
Her elder brother’s messages came in while she talked with his wife. Christie replied to his messages and took a photo of mum sharing with him. After sister in-law updated mum’s situation with him, her elder brother replied with an ‘okay’. Neither a respond nor a message from the youngest brother, not even a caring action shown by him until the evening time.
Christie: Dad, come and eat something. Let mum take a nap.
Her dad walked back to the dining table and ate some food. All those tasty foods became tasteless to him. He had a few quick bites, wash his hands and mouth at the basin, in the kitchen; and headed back to bedroom holding on mum’s hand.
(O.S.) Dad really loves mum deeply… even though sometimes they quarrel, even though sometimes, mum pissed him off with her picky and ‘queen-like’ instructive orders, during their every day life. Dad looked so sad.
But in fact, just now when mum was sitting with them at the dining table, Christie has a lot of thoughts ran behind her mind. A lot…
(O.S.) Is mum really at the last moment? In Chinese saying, when one is about to die, he/she will appear in conscious and energized state and talking with their family, i.e. a good moment to share/pass down their last message to their family members. But, mum’s state wasn’t conscious though. If mum really passed away now, what to do next, will my leave days enough to cover for the funeral arrangement? What kind of funeral arrangement should we do for mum, e.g. the traditional religious ceremony with burial type or simplified cremate type? How much would that costs us? Will both brothers be willing the share the cost? How much would this taken up my savings? Dad looks so sad seeing mum at this state. I am not sure what kind of emotional roller coaster dad has for him to ask all his children to come home and pay their last visit to his lovely wife. Does he feel a bit relief if mum passed away now? Does he feel slightly happy for not having to taking care of mum 24/7 like a maid? Am I expecting mum to die now? Do I wish for mum to continue staying healthy and be with us for as long as fate allows? Will I cry for mum’s death or during her funeral ceremony? Some said better not shredding tear for passed away member as that would cause their reluctant to ‘leave’ the mundane world if they saw their love ones’ tear and sadness. Can I hold in my tears?
Many thoughts zig-zag past through Chistie’s mind while she was sitting at the living room, quietly having her lunch and watching her parents. She felt uneasy to have realized herself having such ‘inhumanly’ thoughts.
(O.S.) I am not a good person. I am not a good daughter. I am so sorry, mum, and dad. I am not a good daughter… I even think of the relief we all would have if my half-disabled mum passed away now. My mind was busy balancing the scale and analysing the pros and cons between the monetary + time matters we need to continuously spend on mum versus the great time we live as a family where all family members live happily and healthy. I came to realize how ‘ugly’ I am. ‘Good person’ label is not what I would have.
That evening, mum woke up from her long nap. Dad helped her with the shower;. Her face finally has some redness (conscious) look. We had dinner together, finished the meals that dad has prepared for lunch earlier on. Elder brother called home with camera on. Both him and his wife were checking on mum’s status if they really need to travel down to parent’s house that night. Plan cancelled as all turned out well. Christie’s youngest brother? No contact, still. The unacceptable attitude of her youngest brother towards family members has continued to build and layer up her hates in him, in Christie’s mind.
(O.S.) How can one be so heartless towards parents?
***
Three weeks later was the appointment scheduled with the doctor whom will assess Christie’s mum’s condition if she should undergo an operation on her left arm. The day before attending to the doctor’s appointment and check-up session, her younger brother shared some useful information with her and her elder brother in a sibling group chat. That information he obtained from one of his friends who worked as a doctor with his siblings. He also shared some advice he collected from the AI-aided advice. This was out of Christie’s expectation. Three siblings discussed and list out some questions that they would like to clarify with the doctor.
They met the doctor and let him check on their mum’s condition and discussed on the pros and cons of having her underwent an operation. The siblings discussed and agreed to let their aging mum to go for the operation for better outcome; they agreed to share the cost as well. Both their parents agreed to the decision as well. Operation date was fixed.
(O.S.) Was I too bias on my younger brother? His way of not responding to messages (important situation as such) was rather rude though. That’s why I was pissed off the other day. In the end, he joined the discussion and contribute his part as a member of the family…
Will there be a chance to relay the least communication expectation that Christie wished to receive from his younger brother?
Well, either one of them need to break the silence, put aside any bias view and try to communicate.