Chapter 12.3 - He Initiates Them
“What is my baby doing now? Are you busy?” Gee writes in his text message.
“No, I am watching some animal documentary video clips in Facebook.”
“I like to watch those deep-sea creatures, animal’s documentary.” I reply. This is a lazy evening for me.
“Oh, I thought my baby is afraid of animals.” “Does that mean we can have dog soon?” Gee asks.
“No, no, no… If we have dog, it is either you tied him up or I lock myself in the bedroom.” “You can have a lot of doggy plush toys instead.” I counter offer him.
“Toys are for our kids.” “I’d get a big dog for my baby.” Gee claims.
“But I already have a big doggy – Gee.” “And I love my big cute doggy.” I say. (His zodiac is dog, so a big cute doggy, I claim.)
(No one would understand how happy I am when I’m with Gee. Words can’t easily express my gratitude to have known this gentle yet well-mannered man.)
(I could feel his sincerity when he expresses his love towards me, be it verbally over the phone, between the lines. Did I over-thinking myself?)
(But one thing for sure, I love Gee. No man has ever initiated such detailed future commitment topic to me, so far. Not even my ex-boyfriend.)
(Gee was the one that initiated them. All these…)
“Let’s work our way out ourselves.”
“Would you be my lifetime partner?”
“We clarify any doubts or misunderstandings we have before we go to sleep.”
“All we have to do is let all our feeling of insecurity gotten from our past relationship go… I want a relationship where my partner is able to trust me and understand myself. I know we can do this if we put our mind to it and let the feelings of insecurities go.”
“Relationship has some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn’t be part of being in love. Loving relationships have good qualities, such as support from your partner, a willingness to communicate, a desire to compromise, and open an honest communication. When you don’t have these fundamental qualities in a relationship, that relationship isn’t likely to grow, and become something that you desire.”
“I also like the flow of our conversation, let’s continue like this and keep getting to know each other more.”
“Understanding from each other, compromising and care enough to sit down and solve things or matters together. I really do not like third party in a relationship. A third party could be a he or she, friend or family… We are in the relationship, so we do our things ourselves. I don’t know if it’s okay with you?”
“We build a partnership called family.”
“Thanks for willing to stand by me, my baby. I will do my best to make us happy family and that is why I keep working hard so I can keep us together and happy too…”
“That’s for our kids.”
“I would like to meet your family.”
“I’m truly scared to lose you; and willing to fight for us, you know how proud I am to have you in my life, baby?”
“We could choose where we want to stay, maybe we continue staying in Singapore? My work plan after this project would be like this…”
(I find calmness in this relationship with Gee. There’s no drama and childish quarrels like young couples usually have. (Maybe we are still on long-distance relationship and yet to be with each other in 3D?)
(We are both adults and working professionals. Our conversation topics have never gone overboard, we don’t go into 18+ topics like phone sex or live strip show between couples.) (I guess this type of relationship is the so-called platonic relationship. I don’t know about others; but I enjoy our conversation so far. I believe this type of relationship where both parties are willing to spend time in talking with each other and encourage open-conversation on any topics, would last longer than the merely passion-intimacy-focused relationship.)
(We work our ways, authentic as possible, to make things happen in the right way, step-by-step, one-by-one. He took the initiative to consider all the future plans. He is open-minded and willing to seek my opinion on his plans and suggestions. We discuss each of them.)
(I thank him for his willingness to discuss with me, respecting my opinion and appreciating me as a woman.)
Everything flows in so smoothly. Our emotion aligns with each other, and our commitment bonding gets stronger each day. Never had I thought this lucky encounter would happen to me. How lucky I am to have met with GEE.
(Has my prayer to God being heard and granted?)
(I’m ready and willing to stand by him and support him, especially when he arrives here in Singapore, alone, without his existing team members. I hope our relationship could last long. I still have some worries when one from the west meets with one from the east, would there be any cultural shock? We should be able to overcome each obstacle together, if we have the same objectives and wills to do so.)
Chapter 13 - Huge Disaster
Chapter 13.1 - Urgent Matter
“Hmm~ hmm~ laa~ la~” Today, just like any other day, I humming some self-created music tones, while enjoying my cab ride to office.
After I reached office, I made myself a steaming hot coffee, get back to my office. Flip over my mobile phone, I saw Gee’s messages. I tap on it and have a read.
(…) silence, in my mind, for a few second.
(Oh……no…)
(So, the foxy tail is finally showing up now, huh…)
In Mandarin, that’s a saying that ‘the tail of the fox is showing’ which means one’s true self is finally showing. Just like a fox spirit that transforms into human being, trying to trick humans, but unconsciously having its fluffy tail shown in its original form while the rest of the body are still in human form.
(I can’t elaborate the emotional I felt that moment, a bit of everything… The only thing I remember was, my mind only focuses on one thing, i.e. to finish reading what Gee wrote… repeatedly, a few times.)
“Hey, babe, good morning to you. I hope you are feeling great now?”
“Babe, something urgent just came up; I didn’t realize my working materials that I shipped to Singapore will arrive this soon. My agent just contacted me not quite long ago, that my working materials have just arrived Singapore.”
“Although that’s the final phase I need before I will come over there in Singapore, so please quickly help me contact my liaison agent over there to know how to help me clear this shipment, ok? This is my agent info Dr. Xxxxxx at phone number +65 xxxxxxxx try to reach him. If can’t you can also try calling through WhatsApp or text, ok honey? Let me know what he says.” Gee wrote in his messages.
I was so calm when I read those messages from Gee. I know that I was very disappointing to realize that our relationship was all pre-paved as steppingstones for this spam act.
I didn’t reply on the spot like I usually do. I leave it until my lunch break. Still considering what should I wrote to him.
Gee sent a few more following up messages to me as he never receives any reply from me, for almost half a day.
“By the way, have you taken your breakfast?” “I haven’t had my dinner yet just so you know.”
“Baby, are you busy?” “Please, if so let me know if I can find other alternatives to fix this, okay? It is really urgent.” He wrote.
After having my lunch, tasteless, this time… as my mood is heavy as a stone. I replied to him that I was in the meeting this whole morning. (Obviously, I was lying.) And I suggest to him to get his logistic team or colleagues in his company to help him settle this shipment issue instead, as I am not familiar with shipment matter. If Gee needs assistance on Singapore shipment handling, I could get my logistic colleague to link him with a trustworthy logistic agent, who would quote a reasonable fee.
I continue to go along with… his lies…
Chapter 13.2 - Negative Comments
“Good evening, Mint. If you are too busy to help me contact my agent, it is fine; do your thing.” Gee sends me a new message during my evening, around 8pm.
“I needed you to help me as I do not have any one locally to help me assist with this and no one I can trust with my shipment the reason I asked you to help cause if anything you can also go help me inspect the materials if they are as written on the invoice.”
“This is my working materials and don’t need forwarders; I need you to help me handle it.” Gee continues explaining his situation.
(What? Me? To go helping you inspect your tools shipment? Are you serious or what? Since when I have the construction engineering knowledge to tell what those tools are?)
“So, I can’t get my baby to assist me in my work? But only love and words?” This is the first time for him to reply with such mean tone, right after reading my suggestion message to him, that goes “Please have the professional forwarder to assist him as I am not familiar with shipment.”
(Excuse me? What does love have to do with your work responsibility?)
(I had a feeling that Gee basically sets a timeline on what he is doing. He has a schedule on his target that he met through dating apps. For the very first month, he would slowly build up the relationship with his gentle words; and his character changes immediately once the 1-month time is up, exactly on the dot.)
(On our 1-month anniversary which I self-claimed it, he sent me the urgent shipment issue.)
(And ever since that day, Gee cut off all the routine phone calls and courtesy messages. All the messages from him are now pertaining to that shipment only.)
(Maybe he starts his building-a-relationship kind of talk with another target now. Who knows how many targets he has been talking to concurrently?)
(I was just one of them…)
I explained to him that based on my finance knowledge, that invoice seems fictitious. I can’t help further, please get his own team to handle it since he doesn’t want any of my recommended local forwarders to help him.
This long message that I sent to Gee is also to say my farewell to him. All his negative comments towards me, makes me feel bad. I want to end this. One hand can’t clap. No point if I’m the only one trying hard to hold on to this relationship.
I shared some jokes video clips with him as well; trying to lighten the heavy conversation text messages between us. Actually, those were the video clips that I have saved in my mobile phone and intended to share with him, in person, when he is here in Singapore. But now, seems like there’s no chance that he would be here; so I just forwarded all of them, in one go, to him. Lastly, I say in voice message to him “I love you.”
“If you love me, you will help me sort out my problem and if you are in my situation, I will also help you as my partner, okay? You truly hurt me, and I still cry for such a betrayal… I’m still trying to solve when I have you over there in Singapore and my work in states.” “If you love me and really do, just help me sort out my shipment. I have been working very hard to be with you and make sure to make us happy.”
“I felt bad and speechless about how you treated me for asking my partner for help.” “Have a nice day and enjoy yourself if truly you are happy as you claimed your love.”
Gee replies to me the messages above, in an instance. Then, his incoming phone call rings…
In that call, he said that he was crying for me, the betrayal (I heard him inhale loudly through his blocked nose, to show that he was ‘crying’. But how true is that? I don’t want to know.)
“Gee, it is beyond my knowledge. I don’t know much about shipping document and process.” I patiently reply to him. (You still want to pretend and act? Fine, I’d go along with you.)
“No, no, no. You just need to call my local agent and understand from him what needs to be done.” Gee explains.
“Do you have any document about your shipment? Like ‘Packing list’ that shows all the items you shipped?” I ask for some genuine document from Gee.
“Err… You ask from agent; I have sent all document to him.” Gee stumbles a little when he heard my question and he responds as such.
(What? You don’t have a list of the items you shipped yourself? What a joker…)
“So what kind of document you have in hand then?” “Send me all of them, let me take a look.” I add further.
“Okay, I’d send you now.” Gee replies in short and hang up the call right away.
An image of an invoice was sent to me. “This is the invoice for the shipment.” He added in his message.
(Finally, a document about the shipment arrived. On my goodness! 5-digit invoice, SGD xxxxx)
(Wow, what a big appetite this spam gang has!)
Obviously, I didn’t take any action about it and let it passed for a few more days.
Chapter 13.3 - I Killed Many Trees
In the beginning, I was so determined to stay in ‘tough’ mode, like an iron woman, having my debate and challenging Gee, but few days after that, my mood started to change.
I keep recalling our past conversations. Those happy chatting moments we had, keeps re-playing in my mind.
Could it be that emotional heart acts slower than the rational mind? Just like the saying of light speed travels faster than the sound, in science?
During the daytime, whenever my mind is free from work-related matters, I would start thinking about Gee and what he has done so far. I think my facial expression has been frown and low-spirited. I can’t control myself not to think of it.
Tears accumulate in my eyes that I have to control them from flowing out from my eyes, during the daytime… If anyone ever look at me, they would definitely see my red teary eyes. I avoid looking at anyone when I know I have tears in my eyes.
At night, when laying down on my bed, staring at Gee’s photos, my tears can’t stop dripping… I sob quietly in my room.
I’m not sure if my housemates ever wonder why I don’t laugh out loud from my room, anymore…
No more routine incoming calls from Gee; no more happy chatting moments. I feel as if I was thrown out and fell from heaven to hell.
I don’t know how many trees have I killed, with the numbers of tissue papers that I’ve used these days. My pillow was partly wet by my tears.
(Was I sad because I now no longer will be able to enjoy those happy moments or was I sad because I get to realize that Gee is not genuine in our relationship?)
My rational mind has always been asking for further verification check on Gee, and reminding me not to simply commit my love to Gee.
But my heart was, little by little, overwhelmed by the steady flow of our conversations each day. Emotions and love feeling grows stronger each day, as well. Now, when finally seeing Gee’s true motive, my emotions can’t stop immediately. I think this is why I struggle and being in sadness mode these days. I need some times to calm my rich emotions down.
(Gripping my fist…) I was so determined to tell myself that I won’t call Gee and never message him.
I try to divert my attention to other things, such as good food and other activities that I enjoy most, and even drown myself into work, work, nothing but work.
Now, I have dark-eye circles and my skin completion looks terrible. Furthermore, numerous cries at night, worsen my puffy eyes, sometimes.
Those tasty food are now tasteless to the current me. I don’t get the level of satisfaction from them, as I had before.
I go for garden walk, all by myself. I didn’t call Lene this time as I’m not ready to tell anyone about this yet. I go for facial session, to recover my skin completion. I go to library and bury myself into reading mode.
But still, I would browse through Gee’s previous messages in WhatsApp, checking on his ‘online’ status in WhatsApp, checking if he sends me any new messages.
I also login into the dating app to see if Gee would drop me any message there.
None.
He didn’t send any. Totally withdrawing himself from our conversations.
(I guess if one is not determined enough, she might desperately reach out to him and compromise to his request just to exchange for Gee to continue talking with her. Is this some sort of psychology tactic in love-spam?)
I need some positive energy, I know that I’m too negative and down, so I browse through Facebook posts and read some positive quotes shared by some groups of members. End up, I bring myself to join the Positive Thinking group and Positive Quotes group, in Facebook.
Almost every night, I would spend hours on Facebook, reading quotes that explain what one should do if he or she is down or lost in emotional swing; how genuine love should be? One should let go of negative things and learn to love their own self instead; to trust in God that things will be okay pretty soon and so on…
My mind keeps reminding myself not to spend too much time on this; it is time to get back to my usual self now. I know this very well; but… I need more time to calm my heart and stop my tears.
I need more time… My tear drops from my eyes while answering myself…
A heart-broken woman is licking her deep-cut wound, at the corner of the room… Trying to heal herself, all by her own… No one is there for her as she never tells. She keeps all those heavy emotions all on her thin shoulders…
