“Welcome onboard.”
“16D.”
“It’d be on your left.” The air stewardess gave me the direction to my seat.
“Thank you.” Lightly nodded my head; I marched towards my seat.
I took out my mobile phone and earpiece; and then stuff my backpack into the overhead compartment.
I had the seat near the aisle; the other seats on my right side already had passengers occupied. I clicked and had my favourite playlist played. Music slowly echoed into my ears through the tiny-wired earpiece.
This flight journey would take about 1 hour. Let me take this opportunity to relax my tensed yet tired body. My lower back was in pain recently. I could tell the root cause to it. High likely, it was due to the long hours I worked for the past one month.
Emm… from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m.? So, exclude the 1-hour lunch time, I worked nearly 10 hours a day. I have a bad habit that I still can’t change. When I am focusing on my work, I would have lost track on the needs to take a short break in between, be it to relax my eye sight, to have some water to kill my thirst or to do a little stretch to relax my muscles that have been maintain in that sitting pose. There was a so-called 20:20:20 guideline, i. e. after every 20 minutes focus-looking at a subject or at one’s work, it is advisable to look at an object that is 20-meter away, for 20 seconds. That is to protect eyesight as well as to reflex the tensed muscle around the eyes. It sounds so easy, yet, I couldn’t bring myself to practice it in my everyday life…
“Ouch…” I sighted lightly. I rolled up my fist and gave my lower back a little massage. What should I do about this? Should I go for body massage? It has been in pain for a week now. And I… has just carried an office laptop in my backpack while pulling my 20kg-luggage just now when boarding the cab and checked in at the airport… I must have doubled the stress onto my poor lower back. “Whoo…” I pulled out my fist from massaging my lower back, threw myself leaning towards the seat and let out another heavy sight. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts flew freely.
Another year passed by. We entered another Lunar New Year in a few more days. I recalled the lessons learnt from last Lunar New Year where I did most of the spring-cleaning work on behalf of my aged parents; and disappointed by the behaviour of each my family members for not maintain the least hygiene and tidiness at home. And during the year, I happened to came across a book from a Japanese psychologist who has treated a bunch of aged patients and summarized some of the useful findings into his book. I read it and gained some useful points and wisdom knowledge from it.
It was not that the aged parents didn’t want to maintain the hygiene and cleanliness at home but more so due to their body capability. They no longer as healthy and fit to do all those housework. With their aged body, they no longer able to keep up the activities at home. Some unused bottles and plastic containers were piled up at a corner; dusty cupboard; expired food in the fridge and so on… I was the one cleaned up all those last year with anger ignited in me. I scolded them that how can one be in such unhygienic state? After I lashed out at them, I cried at night as I couldn’t balance my emotion and my rude words towards my parents. I though it through after reading that book. I really had ignored the fact that my parents have aged, year over year. In my mind, I still have the image and thought that my parents were strong and still able do all those simple housework.
I landed safety, at the airport near my hometown. My father came to fetch me instead of my brother as my brother had another errand to pick up his children. I gave my father a hug and asked if he want me to drive instead.
“No need. I can drive” My father replied and asked if I wanted some dinner before heading home.
“No, I had some before departure just now. If you want to have some, I can join you.”
My father refused as he was still full. So, we headed home in my ‘old’ car. My little ‘old’ car was also in ‘retiring’ stage now. How many has it with me? When I bought it, it was already 4-year-old secondhand car. Now, I think, another twenty plus years add to that?
It was still ‘drive-able’ and air-conditional still working well. But… the outer look was rusty, its original gear box has been replaced with a Toyota-model gear box due to its spare-parts was no longer be easily sought. The bumper was a little bent for my father has accidentally bumped the car to the lamp post while he was parking the car at the roadside where the roadside lighting was rather dimmed.
Forty-five minutes later, we finally reached home, at nearly around 11 p. m. I had a little chat with my mum before heading to shower, followed with sleep.
Tired… but my mind still busy processing the information.
Am I supposed to change another car? Hmm… Don’t think so. When it really at bad state, I would consider that. This year, the economy trend wasn’t seemed good; many cost-cutting activities and retrenchment decisions in many companies. I would rather not simply spend on unnecessary items. Both my brothers didn’t voice up to get a new car for my parents to use, even though they can afford it. It has been my ‘old’ car that I left in hometown for my parents to use until this day, since I worked in neighbour country – i.e. Singapore, and not using the car.
Sometimes, I could relate those wisdom quotes that I once read to my everyday life – balance your mindset. To my opinion, to step up and be a hero might lead one to die first or die fast. Well, that’s pretty sarcastic, I knew that but it rang a lot of fact in itself. Every family has their own issues to handle; same goes for mine. If I kept being a hero – let me buy a new car for parents; let me do all the housework; let me teach my nephew and niece; let me, let me… I think I might end up with miserable life soon as I burden myself with unnecessary debts, my health deteriorated and nobody but me to suffer those pains in my body, my precious time was mostly spent on others but not on myself. Worth it or not? I need to learn on how to balance my mind and emotions. Responsibility to the family and household should be shared among the family members, there’s no need to take it all up on one’s shoulder. If one collapse because of that, the rest of the people might not pity him or her as no one forced him or her to be the hero or heroine in the first place. He or she has volunteered to take up the responsibility; the rest of the people would just fold their hands and be an on-lookers instead of a team member. It is important to observe and look for a better timing to voice up for help or even the needs to share responsibility when it comes to family matters, is important. Being the eldest among the siblings does not mean that one has to bear all the responsibilities himself or herself. Let’s be wise. I was in this learning path as well.
Enough, I should sleep now.
Only on the second day, I had the chance to join my parents for breakfast. My first day at home, I had to attend to work and reports that were still virtually pushing me with the ‘deadline’ on each of them. Literally, I wasted my one-day annual leave by working from home.
After breakfast at the recommended eating place by my father, we headed home. And then, I started with the spring-cleaning work. I did as much of those cleaning housework as I could. I quietly threw away those expired canned food from the fridge and cupboard; wiped clean the kitchen area; swept the floor and so on. I took the effort to clarify the purpose my father kept those empty can and bottles. He said he has no time to throw them. Cool. I threw all of them into a big black trash bag. I seemed enjoy to throw away unused items or give away old clothes or things. I started to buy stuff only when it is needed not merely for liking them. ‘Minimalist’ was the direction I aimed for.
I sweat like crazy. My lower back sent over the pain sensation all the way to my brain, from time to time, vividly reminded me to take a rest. I stood straight and rubbed my lower back with both my fists. I can’t do this anymore. I tied up the trash bag; washed my hand and headed to shower. I would continue with some light rubbish throwing work tomorrow and the floor-mopping work, my sister-in-law has offered to do that when they were home the day after tomorrow.
I did suggest to my father to just hire the hourly cleaner to do the house cleaning work.
“I don’t like having strangers wandering in our house.” With that answer from my father, I rolled my eyes as I knew I was doomed. I had to do those housework…
“I still haven’t washed the curtain in your bed room; the rest of the items like bed sheet and floor carpets, I had already washed them using washing machine.” My father told me so.
See? My father did quite a lot of things himself even though his body no longer as energetic as before, while still having to attend to my mother’s daily activity needs. She can’t walk on her own anymore but had to rely heavily on wheelchair’s daily needs. Thanks, dad. I looked at him but said my thanks in my mind.
“That’s fine. Leave it (the curtain) for now. We can wash it some other time. No one will go look at the curtain in my bedroom. We do what we could. If tired, we just rest, okay? Do you want some coffee? I made you some?” I offered my father while asking him to go take a rest at living room, or go take an afternoon nap.
“Yeah. I easily get tired, just that little housework. My gosh. Muscle pains everywhere.” He said while sat on the couch.
“You thought you’re still young, is it? Aging already, okay? Know your body. Rest when you’re tired; no need to rush. Basic tidy and clean is good enough.” I handed the iced-coffee to him.
I too, sat down and watched my favourite anime series from YouTube, using my mobile phone. My mum slept in bedroom; my father dozed off while the TV show was still playing. I left them be and chuckled watching the anime series. We spent a quiet afternoon time, together, just like that. Easy-peasy.
Family reunion dinner happened on the eve of Lunar New Year. We had a dinner with lots of dishes fully occupied the round table at our dining room. Every family member gathers around the table and enjoyed our dinner.
No one is perfect. No one family could happily ever after, 24/7. Is there any? As for my family, we all had high and low, in our life time. But, there was no need to mention those sad or negative matter during this reunion dinner, right? How about simply having a peaceful and cheerful dinner time and push aside every other thing aside for now?
Yupe, can be done.
“That’s impossible.”
“No, that can’t be done.”
In a short conversation with my niece, she replied me with all those words. We were in my bedroom in the afternoon before the reunion dinner. I had a catch-up chat with her; I asked her about her schooling life and hobbies she picked up recently.
“Don’t you read some books during free time?”
“No. I don’t like.” She said.
“Do you wash your face? You have some acne popping up on your face now.” I took a closer look at her face and noticed her rather oily face has some acnes on her cheek as well as forehead. She didn’t answer but just smiled.
I knew her well, she’s pretty lazy when comes to personal hygiene work such as brushing teeth, wash her face and shower.
“You have to wash your face frequently and avoid touching your face with dirty hands.”
“I’m at the youth period where acne pops up the face is unavoidable.” She said.
“That’s why you need to keep your face cleaned, frequently.” I emphasized but she said that’s impossible instead.
“Why do you keep saying impossible this, impossible that? How about ‘I can do it?’ If you keep saying you can’t, then you’ve already failed yourself at the starting point. You already lost half of it even when the competition not yet begin.” I tried to elaborate to her and guided her to the right thinking-path.
“No. Cannot.” She replied and turned her head walking out from my bedroom.
As her aunt, that stayed far away, how could I teach her more? I wished I could but I, literally, could not. Her parents (i.e. my brother and my sister-in-law) that stayed with her should be taking up the teaching responsibilities. Her parents did demonstrate their role as parents in upbring their children (i.e. both my niece and nephew) but life has also kept both them to be busy at their business in order to earn a living to support the family needs and the education funds for their children. There was a limit to the time and efforts her parents could squeeze out to teach and guide the little ones. The same, applied to me.
I chose to do as much as I could, to the extent of where my conditions allowed. What others would like to label me as, let them be. I can’t stop their mouth. I couldn’t change their mindset. So, call it what you want – selfish, stingy, heartless, lazy… whatever. I could render my helping hands but without distorting the moral principles I have in me, without ignoring my physical and monetary capability. With such boundaries I set for my action, to my opinion, I don’t think I carry any regret in my actions.
One week past in a blink of an eye. One day, I spent at work; one day for dental appointment and another day I went to join the long queue at the local bank. I was left with a few days with my family. Luckily, this lunar new year trip back to hometown, I had a rather peaceful gathering moments with my family members although there was a little annoying issue happened which led to few blunt words shared among us. Oh well, life goes on. We can’t keep focusing on the issue but to think of a preventive way and proceed in life.
I have this thought firmly formed after summarized the experiences I had, thus far.
Money, is useful.
Money, is important.
Money, is not everything, but without it, one can’t do many things.
Money, has power.
Money, lets one see the true colour of another person.
Money, lets one witness the choice made by another person.
Money, I bet everyone would say, “I love you. I want you”.
But I also want to say, “I try not to be controlled by you, Money”.