Chapter 11.6 - Oops... I Did It (Again)
(Hmm… Gee is inviting me to stay together with him when he is finally here in Singapore. Well, I have many questions before I could give him my green light. I haven’t even seen him in person. I won’t bring myself to stay with him before getting to know him more. Definitely, no.)
I replied Gee with a long message that I couldn’t say ‘yes’ to his suggestion for now as there are too many uncertainties about his work plan. I asked him to share more info about his work plan when he has the info ready on hand. For instance, how long will he be in Singapore? When he needs to depart and station off shore? Which part of Singapore would he be located, east or west, south or north?
Too many question marks, here and there. I still need to work on weekdays. So, if my travel to work would be a hassle from his place, I would still prefer to stay where I am staying now.
Later of the day, when I reach home, Gee calls. We touch on this topic once again. I further explain to him in details, verbally, this time. He truly understands where I come from although he somehow sounds disappointed that he didn’t hear a ‘YES’ from me. He agrees to share more info with me when he has them.
“Gee, could you take a selfie of you with you holding onto your name card?” I ask Gee.
“Name card?”
“Yes, you are in your office now, right? Can you take one of your name card and take a selfie by holding onto it?” I state clearly my request to him. (I have a desperate need to verify this man. Is he the person in the photo? Does he really hold that position that he claims he is, in the company he is currently working with?)
Gee goes into silence for a while and then says “Babe, you asked for selfie with me having sandwich, and now you ask for another?” His voice turns cold and serious, and tone shows his disappointment . “No, baby… I feel hurt that you don’t trust me.”
“Gee, I need to know who I am talking to. You have never wanted to have a video call.” I clarify.
“I have never said that I won’t.” “I’m not feeling good now. I would call you later. I don’t feel like talking to you now.” He replies with disappointment on me, but still in the most gentlemen way.
“I’m sorry, Gee. I’m sorry.” I apologize. And then, he hangs up the phone.
(Sigh… I did it again…)
Ten mins later, I send him a text message. I write “I’m sorry.”
“I never doubted you.” “I promised to call you on video.” “Never said I won’t.” Gee replies my text, in the next minute.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear that clearly when you said so. My apology.” “I’m sorry, Gee. I don’t have any bad intentions.” “Just wanted to see your smiling face (live version).” “Please enjoy your work. I won’t disturb you today…” “I’d reflect myself facing the wall for half an hour. Don’t get angry, please…” I write.
Before I go to bed, I can’t help but send him a photo of me where I took few years back. I wore a construction safety hat, in that photo. I forward it with the following message.
“My dear Mr. Contractor Gee, I’d work for you Free-Of-Charge (FOC) for one day, as my deepest apology to you. Would you please kindly forgive my rudeness? Pretty please?” “I promise I’ll voluntarily serve you all the green vegetables in my meals for you; I won’t even ask you to share it in return, okay?” (I don’t eat green vegetables and I once saying in joke to Gee that I would pass all the greens over to his plate, for him to eat them instead.)
“Our connection is indeed double-edged, you believe it or not, after you hang up on the call for disappointment in me, I have been silenced throughout the evening… No singing, no spinning in the room, no talking to my housemates, just emotionless like a robot. I miss Gee.”
Ten mins later, I received a message from Gee. “Please do not go to bed sad, baby.” This message was sent by him, during his working hour.
I go to bed; emotionally down…
Chapter 11.7 - Reconcile
The next morning, when I wake up, a few long messages from Gee were already shown on my mobile phone. He sent them during his lunch break. He was, again, having a late lunch; mainly due to his construction work at project site.
The next morning, when I wake up, a few long messages from Gee were already shown on my mobile phone. He sent them during his lunch break. He was, again, having a late lunch; mainly due to his construction work at project site.
“I know that neither one of us had in mind that we would meet someone on the internet and fall in love but it has happened. And for that, I have no regrets. In fact, it is one of the best things that have ever happened to me, in years. For this, and what has happened to us and between us, I have you to thank.”
“I don’t know why I keep on loving you despite the fact that I’ll get hurt again just like before. I never learn because I don’t want to. Not now when I’m still strong to fall for you over and over again.”
“If I could make life better for you, I would.”
“Baby, I just want you to know that to be in love means being patient, but to be patient you must trust him or her. You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die – your heart.”
“Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart. Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. I want to put mine in your hands, baby; because I like the positive vibes you got.”
(Wisdom words, indeed. I understand that well but my past experiences led me the state that I couldn’t simply trust people that comes closer to me. I can feel his sincerity through his words and messages. Was my intuition wrong? Am I too naïve?)
(This was not the first time he expressed his inner thoughts, his positive views on our relationship and how for each other to continue maintaining a good relationship.)
(He replied to all my messages, at least important ones; he might skip one or two messages, at times. Well, for me, that’s still okay. If I really need his reply on those messages that he skipped, I’d surely bring up the topic again.)
“Good evening to you, my dear Gee.”
“I do believe in the – meeting someone from internet and fall in love – because this route has been bringing together many successful lovely couples.” “You’ve got the right words here ‘Get hurt again just like before’; we both had been hurt by our past relationship(s).” “I am scare of being hurt again like what I experienced in the past.”
“I can sense your sincerity and truth in your messages; and I’m thankful to you and Gods (be it western or eastern Gods, I thank them all).”
“I met my-ex in person; after that, we slowly started our long-distance relationship.” “The Gee I get to know now is totally from internet route, I’m in huge dilemma. Should I keep pouring my feelings and place my fragile heart onto him… but I want to try.”
“I like Gee a lot and happy with the communication we have so far (although sometimes he gets on my nerve, that’s fine too).”
“Gee, I beg of you please don’t ever lie to me. That’s my bottom line for everything. There’s a quote that goes “Tell a lie once, and all your truths become questionable’. If you happen to have a change in your heart or meet someone you hold more dearly, please just tell me to my face, I’d wish you farewell and withdraw myself from your life instantly and forever.”
“I’d be heartless when situation turns bad and no turning back. Of course, I’d try various attempts to mend the situation, but if it still turns sour (fail), I would make up my mind and put a stop on everything. I’m the type that can’t continue as friend after breakup (not when I’ve been hurt badly).”
“So, you kindly please not to lie to me; if you ever have to do that for whatever reason then please do it in a super smart way and make sure my ‘auditor-gene’ won’t sense it at all.” “I would like us to keep growing and if possible, we live and spend our remaining days together, happy or sad moments, we go through it together.”
I state my bottom line and my expectation in this relationship. If he is serious, he should know the real me. Sooner or later, I would surely tell him this.
Five mins later, Gee replies. “Good morning, baby, I hope you slept well like the queen that you are. Do have a great day. I will be home in a bit. I had dinner with four of my colleagues after work. I had Taco Salad. Have you had your breakfast and what are you doing now?” “I will have to reply to your messages when I get home.” That was his dinner time, around half pass eight.
“Enjoy your meal with your colleagues!” I write.
“Thanks, baby, I miss you.” “What are you doing now?” he replies, right away.
“Going for shower to get my positive energy back into me. I don’t feel good last night. My apology.” I, somehow, still in a rather low mood.
“Please get your shower and don’t blame yourself baby. All we have to do is let all the feeling of insecurity gotten from our past relationship go.” “I want a relationship where my partner is able to trust me and understand me better than I understand myself. I know we can do this if we put our mind to it and let the feelings of insecurities go.” “Let me know your plans for today.” Gee explains his expectation in return.
“Hey baby, I just got home now, what are you doing now?” Gee sent another message, half an hour later after his previous message.
(My ‘auditor’ mind is analyzing. His last message during his dinner time was around 8:50pm and now he has reaching home around 9:50pm; okay, that makes sense.)
(From what I observe, Gee’s daily routine is pretty much the same, morning-breakfast-work-lunch-work-dinner-home. Not so much into night life; just hanging in a pub during his only day off, i.e. Sunday afternoon.)
Chapter 12 - Some Knowledge-sharing Topics That We Had
At the evening of NY, Gee calls. This is the voice call after our dispute last night.
“Hey, babe. Good morning to you. Have you had your shower?” Gee says his opening speech, (i.e. morning greetings), as usual.
“Welcome home, Gee.” “Yes, I just had my shower. How are you feeling today?” I greet him in return.
“I feel tired today. I would get my shower before I doze off on the couch. Haha…” He replies.
“Hehe…” I chuckle a little. “Emm… I’m sorry, Gee, about last night.” “That’s rude of me, I am sorry.” I apologize sincerely.
“That’s alright now, baby.”
“EmmHmm.” short reply from me which means ‘I hear you’.
“Why is my baby so quiet today?” He never fails to notice my mood change, as if he has a CCTV installed somewhere that could spot my mood for the day.
“I feel like listening to you talking today. I am still reflecting on myself.” I would like to hear his voice more. I am not in the mood to initiate any jokes today.
“Baby, don’t blame yourself anymore, okay?” “You know, I love you?” Gee tries to calm me down and enlighten me.
“Gee, you know what? The other day, I read a book called ‘Calm your emotion, To love.’. It’s a book written by a Taiwanese reputable psychological consultant. This book tells about what ones should do and how to maintain a healthy relationship. He summarized all the critical points based on all the cases he has handled so far. So it breaks into a few chapters, right. And one of the chapters says that one or we should handle our own emotion well before entering into a conversation with our partner. We should responsible for our emotions and should not ‘burden’ it upon our partner because that is not what their partner should face or handle on their behalf; meaning not fair to their partner.”
“And last night, you’ve just demonstrated it so well, on this topic.” “When you were so disappointed in my rudeness for stating such rude request, you directly tell me that you don’t feel good, in a polite way; and that you don’t want to talk to me at that moment.” “You see, you have managed your emotion so well, and stop it from further destroying our relationship. If you happen to lash out, we might get into quarrel and worsen our relationship.”
“I really admire this quality in you, Gee. You know how great you are? I still have a long way to learn, on this part.” I speak softly and slowly to him with gratitude in my heart for Gee’s politeness that he shown last night.
(I’m a frank person and I’m not hesitate in praising a person when he or she has done something great or performed good deeds. And of course, if someone done something bad or wrongful, I would tell it in their face; whether or not can they accept the fact, that’s another story.)
Gee never interrupts me whenever I speak, he would listen to till the end. What’s more, he can remember what I said before. I found a lot of good qualities in Gee. I really admire him.
“Oh… baby, I’m speechless… That’s a good book you have there. Any more good topic from it?” Gee seems touched.
“Emm… Let me think, I haven’t finish reading it though. I just rent it from library last week.” “Chapter 2 was about ‘Never decide on behalf of your partner as they have their preferences.’ Meaning we should not presume or decide on their behalf for what they like. Respect and let them choose.” I try to recall what I have read.
“Emmhmm… Interesting! Baby, when I am there, you tell me all about this book, okay?” Gee states his request.
“Let me see… If there are any more good points that we should pick up. I would surely share it with you, don’t worry.” “Do you like reading?” I ask. My mood gets lighter now.
“Yes, but that was quite sometimes ago. You have more books to read?” Gee asks.
“Erm… beside this one, there’s one more to go. I’m a bookworm, sometimes. Haha…” I claim.
“That’s good. You keep reading; and tell me what’s good to pick up.” Gee encourages me to read more.
“But I don’t like reading reports… I still have a 28-page financial reports to read and review. My gosh… The moment I open page one, I already start yawning and feeling sleepy.” I continue.
“Financial reports? You have to read those?” he asks.
“Yes, that’s part of my job. I salute you! Quite often you have to read through those thick project contracts.” I really hate reading contract, agreement or the sort.
“Haha… So have you done with your report reading?” He laughs.
“Don’t remind me about it. That report is still laying in my bag and you know what? That is the only negative energy in my room now.” I joke.
“Haha… Baby, you’ve just made me happy. So happy.” Gee says.
“I miss you.” I say to Gee.
“I miss you more.” He replies instantly.
“Okay, you win!” my respond to him.
Gee chuckles.
We reconcile; and I feel our bond has getting stronger each day.
Chapter 12.1 - Macro-management or Micro-management
“What type of boss are you, at work?” “Are you into macro-management type or micro-management?” I ask Gee. Today, our daily conversation topic relates to working style.
“I think… I’m micro-management.” Gee replies after a few seconds.
“Micro? Really?” I say.
“Yeah, you know, I want to make sure my project is all done properly and delivered on time.” “So, I would check and check, myself.” Gee explains.
“I see. Yes, true. You need to check on the project status and quality of work too.” I agree. That’s part of his job responsibilities.
“Last time, I too, was a micro-managed. I checked through the reports submitted by my team members, in details. That’s also why, quite often, everyone already gone home after work and I was the one who’s still working late in the office.”
“But someday, I think to myself that I need to change, it can’t go on like this.” “I went to read some books on management skills. My soft skill is not good, so I go read and see if I can find something good to improve myself and my work.”
“Emmhmm.” Gee replies.
(He replied in my way of answering people. Once I told him that in our country or among Mandarin-speaking people, we usually reply others with “Emm” or “Emmhmm” which carries a meaning of ‘I see’, ‘Got it’, ‘Okay’, ‘I understand’. And Gee shared with me that, in the states, they would say “Woo, really?” instead.)
(He is a fast learner. I chuckle.)
“In one of the leadership books, it said, when you’re asking the other party to do a task, you have to put it or phrase it in a way that he or she will also be the benefiting from it. Then, he or she would be more willingly and likely to take up the task and do it.” I further elaborated to Gee how I put it into action in one of the scenarios I had with my colleague, at work.
“It makes sense. Sounds good.” Gee listens till the end of my story, gives it some thoughts and agrees that this way of management soft skills would work.
“Next time, when we meet, you’d need to tell me about this book again.” He gives me his order.
“Huh? More homework for me?” “Err… I forgot which book was it already. I can only recall this one point so far…” (I really can’t recall which book I came across with this brilliant soft skills tip. I picked up the good points from each book; and keep it as my own reference. If doable, I’d put them into practice, wherever possible.)
“No, no, no, you’d have to tell me all about it.” Gee re-emphasizes.
(There he goes again; he is in the bossy-Gee mode now. But I like it!)
“Okay… I’d try to find that book or similar soft-skills book” I compromise.
(Not a big deal. Good to have a revision of what I’ve learnt; there may be some other good points that I might have forgotten as well. I can learn, Gee can learn. We grow together; win-win situation.)
Chapter 12.2 - Healthy Debate
“Today, when I was in the MRT, there’s a couple walked in, with their child in the pram stroller. The husband is a foreigner, a Caucasian I guess and the wife is an Asian. They talked so loudly. So I thought, they were in a quarrel.” I share my encounter today with Gee, one afternoon, my time.
“They quarrel in MRT?” Gee asks.
“Actually, they’re not. They were discussing on a topic on the news that they have just came across.” “It’s not that I eavesdrop on their conversation, they’re just saying it out loud.”
“They were expressing their own thoughts on an article about an act carried out by a government party. They listen to each other’s point of view; and along the conversation, the wife also corrected her husband’s misconception in certain word he used to express his thought.” “End up, they both wish that the said government party will do more good deed for the country.” I explain.
“Oh… So, they were in a discussion. Okay.” Gee says.
“You know what? I kind of envy this type of conversation between couples. They discuss on any topics. Having a positive debate, challenging each other’s opinion. I find this a good practice; don’t you think so?” I ask.
“No, no, no, we would not quarrel in the MRT.” Gee quickly replies.
“No… It’s just that their voices are both loud; they are not quarreling. The whole passengers in that MRT section, can hear them. Haha…”
“We speak softly, okay?” I say.
“Yeah, we can do that too.” “I am happy that we have a topic to talk about every day.” Gee agrees as well that this type of positive debates between couples is good to have.
(I’m happy that he thinks the same.)
Most of the time, I seem to be the one that come up with a topic of our conversation for the day. Gee’s questions mostly cluster around my whereabouts, what I was doing, how I felt so far, what’s my plan for weekend and so on. (He might be indeed a quiet person he once claimed. That’s fine, for me.)
“Be With Someone Who Brings Out The Best In You, Not The Stress In You.”
I really love the current version of me, ever since I got to know Gee. He really helps in bringing out the best in me.
I was able to comprehend what I learnt from books and put them into daily practice; I was able to speak more fluently in English with him; I was able to share laughter with him; I could initiate more light conversations with my colleagues as well.
Since I was in a very happy mood these days, I spread my happiness to my surroundings. My positive energy has boosted, even my English vocabulary has improved with more new words that I seldom use, such as onlookers, envisage and so on.
“How did you know I’ve awakened from sleep? Are you installing any CCTV on me?” I saw a new message from Gee just right after I woke up from sleep, so I teased him in my replying text message.
“Yes. I want to know where my baby is and what is she doing now.” Gee replies.
“You’d be stressed if you have CCTV on me though.”
“Alert! Alert! Mint is entering gent’s department in shopping mall!”
“Mint is buying gent’s clothing!”
“Your attention would be distracted from your work.” I reassure Gee with my jokes.
“Haha… Why are you like that, my baby? I am laughing out loud now.” “My baby is getting something from Men’s department store? Is she getting it for me?” Gee laughs at my jokes in his replying messages.
Gee corrects my vocabulary error in his replying message; he never once laughs at my mistakes. I love this part of him. I am a fast learner too; I noticed my mistake and picked it up instantly.
“Gee, my English pronunciation might sound different than yours, as I learnt England English since schooling time and my spelling as well.” One day, I declare this to Gee.
“No worries, when you’re here in New York next time, you’d learn US English.” Gee happily sends me his reply which really eases my worries.’