Chapter 14.6 - No Where To Be Found
“He was not in the hospital patients’ name register at all!” The radio DJ says, in a shocking voice.
I heard this when I was in a cab, on my way home. The radio DJ shared an incoming message from a female audience. Jane, was her nick name.
Jane has been in an online relationship with a man, for almost two years now.
One day, that man (i. e. her boyfriend) told her that he would be going to hospital for a check tomorrow and might not be able to call her so frequently, from now on. This happens during COVID-19 pandemic where everyone is urged to stay at home and practice work-from-home basis.
Two days passed, Jane was so worried, as there have been no phone calls from her boyfriend, so far. Did something terrible happen to him or was he in a serious health issue? She was so panic and trying to reach him on the phone, but fail. She went to lodge a police report to find him.
“You know what? End up, they found out that there is no such person’s name in the hospital patients’ name register, and such person’s name never exist!” DJ says this to her co-worker.
“This man that Jane has been in relationship with has given her a fake name to begin with.” Co-worker adds.
(What? For the two whole years? Never had they even meet up? No verification checks?) My attention was all on the radio now.
Several feedbacks received from radio audiences after listening to this topic. Some says that high-likely this man is a married-man. The reason why he could not continue calling Jane could highly due to, now, he has to stay at home most of the time during this COVID-19 pandemic. Not convenience for him to call Jane when his wife is around, under the same roof.
Some says he is just fooling around and not being serious; simply a ‘douche bag’. He is just keeping a chat-mate, to kill time. (‘Douche bag’ means an unpleasant person. Anyone should not waste time on them.)
(I feel sad and pity to Jane for hearing such a terrible thing happened to her. She has given her 2-year time and whole-heartedly loves to this insincere man. How many 2-years can a woman have or can a woman waste on a fake-relationship?)
There’s a new vocabulary on the internet lately, i. e. Narcissist, which refers to an extremely self-centered person. In a love relationship, a Narcissist will try his very best to manipulate one’s mind. For example, that I read goes like this, if a woman is in a relationship with a man who is a Narcissist; when she discovers something not right and questions her boyfriend who is cheating on her, her Narcissist boyfriend will show his anger and scold her for not trusting him instead. He would challenge her that how could she said such hurtful thing to him; and he might even slam the door and leave the house, afterwards. His words and reactions would now trigger the woman who is now being left alone in the house to start thinking, if she has just done something wrong to him? Was she the wrong one? Her initial thoughts and action will now becoming uncertain, she doubts herself, instead.
So, this is a Narcissist’s tactic in manipulating one’s mind. They would tweak the fact and make you feel so guilty for not believing in them.
(This is the most dangerous person to be with, I would say.)
Many heart-warming advice was sent to the radio station for Jane, asking her to let it go, be happy and take some time to recover herself from this sadness.
Many heart-warming advice was sent to the radio station for Jane, asking her to let it go, be happy and take some time to recover herself from this sadness.
(Was my case rather lucky? For Gee to have stopped everything right after one month and fully withdrew himself from our online relationship?) I let out a heavy sight…
Love and dream are beautiful but reality could be ugly.
If I remember correctly, actually there was a period of time where Gee started to reply lesser and skip some of my messages; unlike the respond frequency we had at the initial stage.[4] I sensed it back then, but I ignored it; and I even came up with an excuse for him on my own, i. e. he might be busy; that’s fine. If I think further, something seemed not right. The messages that I sent were more than what he responded. This is actually one of the alert signs that most of the relationship coaches were referring to.
I ignored the alert signal and kept sending messages through to him. Pouring more of my energy, love and time onto Gee when he is not investing the same, into our conversation and relationship.
Lessons learnt now…
[4] When you are interacting with a person via messages, a healthy ‘flow’ would be both parties respond at the volume of your messages; or at least not skipping too much of your messages. It is very simple; you just have to take a glance at your messages chat room with him, if what you’ve been sending was way more than the replying message from him. Then, yes, you might have put in way too much effort in this chat. But, there could be a problem in your messages as well, you might have been sending messages that do not require a reply or in the opposite, your messages actually require him to think first before he could answer you back, where he might need a bit of time for him to be able to do so, maybe he would answer them when he has time to do so later on.
Chapter 14.7 - When Into 'Pause' Mode
As usual, when I am in my office and focus on my work, I would play some songs on my laptop and listen to them. Music is a must-have in my life.
Today, around 4pm, while listening to any random song playlist available on YouTube; suddenly, this song plays.
‘You Are My Sunshine’ (Cover) by Music Travel Love
My body, literally, enters into pause-mode, for a few seconds…
To my memory, this song is a Happy-theme song as I only knew three sentences of its chorus part:
“You are my sunshine,”
“My only sunshine,”
And then, not quite sure what follows next for the third sentence.
“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”
One day, I had the urge to sing Gee this song, the chorus part. I want to brighten up his morning. So, I went to search for the lyrics and learn singing only on the chorus part.
And, I did.
(Recalling the day I sang to Gee…)
On that day, just right before Gee was about to get ready to head out to work, I asked him to go look into the mirror. The cute Gee did as I said; he went to the mirror (I trust that he did as I can’t see him over the voice-call).
“You are my sunshine, My only sunshine, You made me happy when skies are grey, You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away~” I sang for him, in a happy-theme and cheerful mode.
Gee was so happy! I can sense it from his tone when he said “Oh my God, my baby is singing for me! My day today will be filled with you sweet voice. I am so happy now, babe. Oh my God… Babe, you know, I love you.”
“Yeah, I can feel it.” I replied.
“You really are my sunshine. You bring me so much happiness since you came into my life.” Gee claimed that he indeed, feels happy.
“Well, it works both ways. You’re my sunshine too. Flower also needs sunshine to bloom and shine.” I said to him. (I love the current me when I’m with you.)
“Your song made my day beautiful and cool. I love you so much and will love to hear this angelic voice, every morning when I’m with you, my love.”
We both were so happy at that very moment…
But the cover version presented by ‘Music Travel Love’ (or ‘Endless Summer’) band brings a different vibe; more sentimental. Looking at the music video, oh, this band was the twins in ‘The Moffats’ boy band, last time.
(No wonder, they look so familiar to me…)
Well, I’m good at human face recognition, especially good-looking ones (my eye vitamins).
I stop my work for a moment, listening to this soothing song.
Finally, I had a chance to browse through the lyrics of this whole song which is available right below of the video clip.
“Sipping my coffee,
Looking out the window from my office,
With my mind flying far, far away into the sky…
Fingers softly tapping on the table, following the rhythm of the music…
The sounds of the sea waves at the background & those sights of white sandy beach of the Philippines~
(Hmmm…) I’m just emptying my mind and go with the flow of this song… for a short break.
After three & a half minutes, it ends and moves on to play another song in the playlist.
I feel a slight pinch of pain in my heart…
(Aren’t I supposed to be the one that pinch and tickle from the inside of your heart, Gee? Now, it is me that felt the pinch of pain instead…)
Oh well, taking a deep breath, pack my thoughts and get back to work… It’s Friday, one more hour to go, hooray~
The song played on YouTube playlist was ‘You Are My Sunshine’ (Cover) by Music Travel Love.” I then click on that ‘send’ button.
I sent this non-rhyming poet as a text message to Gee; without expecting any reply from him. He has completely withdrawn himself from our conversation, after all.
I saved this song into my playlist and have it play continuously for hours during the day and I’m on my journey to office or home.
Soon, I mastered the lyrics for this whole song.
Chapter 14.8 - Self-healing Process
I absorb quite a number of newly learnt quotes. There’s another love quote that I saw few days later, sends a huge smack to my mind. It says:
“It is not the person that you MISSED; it is the happy moment that you
missed.”
(I was astonished by it. Wow, on second thoughts, indeed. I should say that actually what I miss the most was those happy chatting days we had been through in that first month, i. e. those 30 days to be exact…)
Friday evening, I messaged Sue and let her know that the guy I got to know from that dating app was a spam (just like what she has experienced back then). Sue was shocked and sympathized what I had been through. She asked if I am okay.
(Taking a deep breath) “Yeah, I’m fine; just that, I’m still thinking of him from time to time.” I reply to Sue.
“Well, that’s for sure. They (refers to those spam men) seem to have learnt physiology, especially on how to tackle mature single women and knowing what these women like to hear from a man.”
“You’re right. On point. They are so professional. They might have plotted the flow of the relationship and the timing of when to ask what and when to say what…” After thinking through what Sue had just said, I agree to her saying.
(There’s likelihood that the Gee that I have been talking to was just one of the team members of the Giuliano, i. e. the man in the photos I received. They work as a team and spam on their targets.
Or, the person that I have been talking to was just a close friend or colleague to the Giuliano in the photos. This man is so close to Giuliano that he could even get his hand on Giuliano’s childhood photos. Gee did send me his childhood photos, cute baby boy he was. I can trace the face similarity in the grown-up version of Gee.
Or, it is actually Giuliano himself who is into the spam act and earning some side incomes on top of his usual construction profession?
Too many possibilities, but none of them I could verified further…)
The love-spam victim has now increased from one to two person, i. e. Sue and I. Two mature single women licking their own wounds, with tears dripping in the heart, not their eyes. But still, trying their very best to stand strong, stay compose to encourage each other to stay positive…
Everything, will be fine.
I remind Sue that if she ever joins that dating app, do watch out for any spam act and don’t share birth date and bank account number to anyone.
Actually, when I browsed through some forums in Facebook, in later days, there are some useful comments shared among the forum members. Seems like many people is aware of such spam tricks that would happens when one is approached by a person through that dating app. Usually, the person that approaching you and want to befriend you, has a few similar tactics. They are smooth talker (be it man or woman), ‘follow’ only on your profile, attached pretty face photos in their profile, and quick to falling in love with you when you start having conversation with them.
It is my fault for not keeping myself up-to-date on the latest information and things that are happening around me, or ASIA countries, to be precised. If I had a little read-up, I won’t be blindly investing my heart into GEE, but be more alert.
So, those members of the forum summarized what they have experienced, in short:
i) Either that person will claim that they have sent you a parcel or a shipment and ask you to pay on their behalf; or
ii) Trying to promote you to buy share as investment (some sort of investment advisor who is aiming to get more sales through you).
But all would reach the same ending, you need to make payment. Once you have made the payment, they would ‘whoosh’ disappearing from the earth. You would never be able to reach them and all connections are cut off instantly. There could be another worst scenario where the spam person keeps repeating similar act in different excuses, to get you (i. e. the victim) to transfer more money to them. For instance, first, the shipment issue, and subsequently, the news about that person met in an accident and was unable to work for a period of time, and so on. More money is needed from you to support his or her daily living needs. There are some victims, women mostly, that would keep transferring money to this ‘boyfriend’ of hers, without even sensing something was wrong somewhere.
And, ended up, she lost all her savings or she might even enter into a huge debt to rescue her ‘boyfriend’.
Sad to read all these ugly facts…
I continue having garden walks with Lene. I didn’t show much of my sadness. We have light-hearted conversation. She encourages me to keep looking for next one. I just wanted to get some sweat and tired my body, so that I could fall into sleep without having much time to be sad…
I go to library to get some books to read; to kill some of my leisure time. Never know that my world can suddenly become so quiet…
I have been living such a single life for quite some time. But after my encounter with Gee, in only a month, I have tremendous happy and chatty days. Such obvious contrast is ballooning in me, when Gee is no longer chatting with me.
My world is back to silence mode.
“When a man invested emotions into you and the relationship, they would share their world with you. They would want to have you come into their circle of friends and family. Most of the men will share with you more in depth about them; they would tell you about their family, and even wanted you to meet with them as well as his close friends.” Said by the relationship guru – Stephan Speaks in one of his video clips on ‘How to know if a man is in love with you?’
I listen to this video clip while browsing through the positive quotes from Facebook, during one of my weekday evenings.
Then, I thought. (Yeah, Gee has never share much about his family during our conversations.)
“So, do you still have any relatives that you are close or still keep in touch with?” I asked Gee, during our leisure chatting day.
“… A few close relatives.” Gee replied.
“Oh, you have? Good then. Does your grandparents still around?” I’m glad that he still has some relatives in connection with him. I understand from Gee that he has lost his parent in a car accident…
“They passed away. Didn’t I tell you before? I would share with you when I’m in Singapore then.” Gee said.
(Hmm? Nope, you didn’t. You only told me about your parents.)
“Okay.” I replied. Since he is not willing to talk about this topic; we change another topic.
(I didn’t know that Gee was trying to cut off this ‘family-related’ topic, right there and then. Now, after listening to what the guru said, I realize that Gee is not opening up and has no intention to letting me get into his world.) [5]
[5] Gee ended our conversation when we touch on his family-related topics. Most men if they are emotionally invested into you or a relationship, he will be so excited and willing to let you know or have you meet with his family and friends. If he didn’t, then notice the red flag there.
“Woman, you should not over-invest yourself and your time into the relationship if he is not doing the same. Most of the women would shift their priorities on their daily matters onto the man when she fell deeply in love in the relationship. You should focus on yourself as usual; you have your priorities such as your work, your daily activities, your workout, chasing your own dreams and so on.”
“Like in every boxing match, the referee will say to both boxers, “Protect yourself all the time!”
“So, continue to be yourself; find the happiness and emotion stability within yourself rather than getting them from others.”
“A man will be in the ‘chasing’ mode if you stay the way you do as that’s what he initially finds you to be an interesting woman. He can’t take his eyes of you. Let him invest his time and efforts into the relationship, and you go in, at the same pace as his. If he didn’t do so, then you should know by now that he is not the right one for you to keep further investing in. Let him show you in his action how serious he is into you and this relationship.”
“If you keep on messaging him when you’re at work, sending numerous messages to him all day long; soon, this man will stop the ‘chasing’ and gone missing in action, i. e. lost in contact. It is simply because you’ve shown or exposed yourself that your priority now is always being him.”
More of such priceless advice and useful tips were shared through video clips from various love and relationship gurus, i.e. Adam Lodolce; Matthew Hussey; Mat Boggs; Derrick Jaxn; Mark Rosenfeld. They are all reputable consultants and authors of numerous best-selling books on love relationships.
Frankly, I really learnt a lot from their videos. How I wish I have watched them sooner and learn all those tips.
I did ‘lose’ my rational self when I was so into Gee. I text him a lot, throughout my day. My priority has become him and the rest of my plans and activities were secondary-placed. In fact, I wasn’t having self-love to begin with. I rely on my partner in providing me my happiness and my emotions swing by every single reaction from Gee.
(Oh gosh… What have I done? I do have issues in handling my own emotions? I lack of self-love? I am deeply impacted from my past relationship that has causes me to be lack of confidence?)
I learn new things, each day; through articles, tutorial videos clips and even songs…
I go into a tough self-healing process and deep self-reflection for a long period of time.