1) Within Family
“Dinner’s ready! Pete, Come Down Now. Pete!” She gave up in calling for her son but sent him a message text to his mobile phone instead. All these actions were just to get him to come down for dinner…
(No matter how many times my parent calls for him, shouting out loud from ground floor, so that their voice can reach up to his room at second storey of the house. He ignores it as if those voices never heard or it was supposed for parent to please him this way, every day, without fail. I don’t know what he was busy at, in his room. Can’t hear such a loud calling? Stop kidding me.)
(It’s just tiring me just by watching my parents’ action of love to be retuned in such a no-manner response from my brother.)
“Maa (addressing mother in mandarin), no need to call for him. He is adult already. When he is hungry, he would come down and eat. If he still understands what ‘respect’ is, he would have at least reply to your yelling. Don’t stress yourself on such useless thing, can? Let’s eat first, alright?” (I didn’t even bother to call for my brother. That’s just too much!)
Her mum took her suggestion, they enjoyed their dinner time, peacefully (no more calling yells).
When we were done, only Pete slowly walked down from upstairs, and took his dinner with the portion that my parents have kept aside for him.
No ‘sorry’, no ‘thank you’ from him, for his action.
Jane went to watch TV show instead.
(I don’t like anyone or any action that can’t demonstrate the basic moral. By stepping away from the scene, that’d be more efficient than hoping they would change their behaviour. I’ve tried, quite a few times on them already. None of them feels the needs to change their way of doing things. Enough. Let them be then.)
Actually, this kind of ‘ignoring action on parent’s calling’ also happened to Jane. Whenever she was home for holiday, her parent would love to go for breakfast with her. The thing is they didn’t inform their plan the night before Jane went to bed. (I am not an early bird. I would sleep to my heart’s content until I wake up on my own, without any annoying alarm that breaks my sweet dreams.)
So, Jane would have to force herself to wake up and answer to her parents that were still waiting downstairs. “I heard you! I’m taking shower now. Wait for a bit more!” Jane shouted toward the living room, from her room upstairs.
(Jeez… Can’t you guys just let me sleep a bit longer? It’s not a work day…) Jane grumbled while heading to bathroom.
2) Within Social Media
Jane started to stay away from her habits of keep holding onto her mobile phone wherever she marched (like most people do). She read from the tutorial guide on ‘Live in the moment’, ‘Be in the present’. She took action to make a little change in her daily behaviour. Not for others, but for herself.
Jane did a little house-keeping on her friend list in her messenger apps (e.g. WhatsApp, Line, WeChat, and FB messenger).
(This one… no contact or message initiated from their end. Only me one-sidedly sending or initiating the message conversation. Clear history and remove chat then. I still have their name in my contact list. No worries. Delete chat, delete, delete…)
Without much thought but a clear direction in her, action taken by Jane right away. At the beginning stage, Jane has to keep telling herself not to click on those apps, especially Facebook apps. She started to view on YouTube clips that were more tutorial-related topics.
“Mei, time for shower. Go shower now.” Jane reminded her niece for the third time, one evening.
Mei, age 8, wasn’t responding and not even move an inch from her seat. She has been holding onto the notepad and watching Tik Tok for hours now, ever since we came back from lunch. She slumped her back onto the couch, not sitting properly and stayed in that posture for as long as she has stuck her focus on Tik Tok clips. One after another, never ending.
Her ‘no respond’ triggered anger in Jane. Jane walked to Mei and asked “You have been watching it for hours, can you tell me what have you learnt from them?” Mei looked up to her aunt and gave it a thought. “Nothing.” Honest reply from Mei. “Then, why are you still watching them for so long? I’ve been asking you to go for your shower, you heard me or not?” Jane’s voice raised and gotten louder.
(This really pisses me off, to the point that I have no choice but to threaten this young lady.) “You’d better put it down and go shower now. You can continue watching it after dinner. Else, I’d take away your notepad. Go, now!” Jane lectured Mei. Still, Mei didn’t move. (This stubborn child…)
Mei started to tear up for her aunt’s scolding tone but her eyes are still on the notepad screen. “Go, now!” (How much louder should I shout? Jeez!) Mei finally raised and run to her bedroom upstairs. She locked the room and still not heading to bathroom. (I knew it!)
Jane walked up to Mei’s room; knocked the door. “Mei, open the door…” Jane said in calmer tone. Again, three times. No respond. Jane banged the door with her fist. “I said, open the door!” She shouted. Some sounds came from the other side of the door; Mei opened the door but rushed back onto her bed, cried. (Why are they, both Mei and her younger brother, only ‘listen’ when adults raised their voice? Something wrong somewhere in the family culture or teaching way?)
“What for with the crying? After shower, you can continue using it after dinner. What’s wrong with that? You’d better go shower now; we are having dinner soon. Don’t make me confiscate your notepad, I’m telling you beforehand.” Jane turned and went down to help in the kitchen.
Mei went for shower after crying a while more, on her bed.
(It’s just no-value added, to my opinion. A waste of time. Relax myself in a quality sleep or listening to songs while starring to the sky is a better choice. Gossiping about others? Yeah, quite entertaining. But what would that have to do with you or me? Don’t tell me you’re going to use that as a weapon and take advantage of the person in topic.)
Although Jane’s reasons were simple and straight forward, sometimes it led to negative comments from those around her.
“You’re quite heartless.”
“So cold.”
“Why is she like that?”
(I heard those comments even though they said it softly or behind my back. I don’t see any issue about that. Go focus on your own things and do something for your own being, wouldn’t you?)
(Let’s listen to my playlist instead. Let’s focus on the yummy meal that I have before me. Let’s only check on any incoming message(s) every say, half an hour? An hour? That’s doable. If urgent matter, they would have dialed the phone and call me instead.)
Slowly, Jane managed to reduce the frequency of spending her time on social media. She filtered and searched for variety materials or articles that carry tutorial, wisdom guides or even subjects that challenge her mindset. On she was out and about, she spent the time that she used to looking at her mobile phone apps to focus more on the environment around her. She tried to look for beauty in most things. She could smile and feel happy when she spotted the nature’s beauty or even a simple kind act among people in her surroundings (be it her neighbourhood or at work).
(Hmm… When was the last time I logged in to FB? A month ago? Anyway, I’d just log in for a short while when I feel like it.)
3) Within Friends
Unexpectedly, such change in Jane has caused a huge disappointment and misunderstanding from her friend, one day…
Sunday evening, Jane walked to Sona’s place to collect some stuff from her. Sona helped Jane arranging both of their online shopping items as one shipment delivery. Jane brought along a small foldable trolley with her as she bought some bulky items in this order.
It took Jane about ten minutes to reach Sona’s apartment block. She was exhausted by the time she reached there. “Whoo!” (Tired…) Jane tried to catch her breath.
Sweat wet her back due to the humidity weather as well. Today was quite packed for Jane. She has laundry work, room cleaning, clothes ironing work… all packed on her Sunday. She has her earpiece on, listened to songs the minute she started walking from her place. (Music lets me forget about the tiredness, to me, a little at least.)
Sona was already waited at downstairs waiting for Jane, with a big box placed on the floor. Jane handed Sona some fruits that she would like to let her enjoy as supper. A short chat, Jane then quickly squadded down to unfold her trolley to put the box onto it, as the box was literally blocking the lift’s entrance area. She didn’t put away her earpiece; totally forgot about that. She’s handful at that moment.
“What? What did you say just now?” (I can hardly hear what she was saying; just heard a few words here and there.)
Jane tried to pay attention to Sona’s words. Jane replied something before she heading back home right after. As discussed over the phone earlier, they would not be having dinner together that evening. (That’s fine, I am not that hungry. Let’s get back home. I’m tired…) Sona went back up to her home at 8 storey and Jane rushed back to her house.
(Was she having something urgent to attend to? She seems in a hurry.)
Jane thought to herself while making her way home. She walked slowly and sang along to the songs, slowly marched home with her big box of shopping items.
When she reached home, Jane brought out her mobile phone to charge its battery. Forget to mention that Jane usually carried two mobile phones with her. The local-sim card phone that she has put in the handbag while the hometown-sim card phone, she used it to listen to song. Why? Well, Jane’s earpieces were the old-modelled cable with rounded plug head, not the flat type. It didn’t fit for her new Ip13 mini.
“Hmm?” (Incoming messages from Sona?) It was eight mins ago. “Friend, wait for me.” She wrote. “I want to go for evening walk a bit.” “Wait for me.”
(Oh my gosh! Those messages were all sent to that local-sim card phone that I kept in the bag. I put it on top of the bag just now.) Jane was totally unaware of those incoming messages’ ring tone. What’s more when she was listening to song with earpieces on.
Jane quickly replied to Sona’s message. “Sorry, I just saw your messages. I had my earpiece on, didn’t hear what you said just now.”
“I was chasing behind you and called for you, but you never respond at all.” She replied with a rather irritated-toned messages. (For her to came back down from her place and tried to catch up with me… That must be a huge distance between us then.)
“It’s not the first time like that. Honestly, it doesn’t feel good.”
(Err… I have been listening to music most of the time we meet up, but I did make sure that I only put on one earpiece, leave one of my ears free and listen to her talking. Well, yeah, you can say that I have no respect. Okay, I would reflect on that and not doing that whenever I meet up with you next time…
“You could have given me a voice call instead.” (That way both my phones will ring.)
I sent my apologies but she never replied next.
(But… Can’t she tell by now, about this bad habit of mine where I tend to leave my phone in the bag? I don’t want to keep holding to it and looking at it, 24/7. I want to be in the Present.)
(On another thoughts, she also has a habit of keep looking at her phone and typing text messages to her friends when we were out for a meal or an evening exercising walk. I didn’t complain anything about her behaviour but I tried to find things to enjoy myself during that moment, instead, such as listen to music and look at the surroundings.)
So, for that mistake of Jane forgotten to unplug her earpiece from her ears and didn’t hear Sona’s words that evening, Sona started to distance herself and cut off their text conversations, from there on.
(Our friendship for nearly 10 years is so fragile, huh? I am speechless, frankly.) That story about ‘Life Is Similar To A Bus Ride’ rang in Jane’s mind.
(Is it time for her – Sona – to get off from my life bus, and part ways, from there on?) Thought about that, Jane’s eyes started to tear… Heavy sigh and sadness overwhelmed Jane.
(Since last year, I came to realize how ‘people pleasingly’ I was and have been; and I wanted to change. I want to be in the moment and love myself more. Sona, I have sent several messages to reconcile and keep our friendship after that misunderstood event between us. I apologized…)
No messaging text from Sona for two days. Finally, she initiated a short message text to me on the third day. (Would this be a good sign that we might be able to slowly pick up the friendly messaging act days after?) Just when Jane started to feel thankful for having her friendship back, no more messages from Sona there on.
(That’s life. We need to learn how to handle the situation and how to move forward, especially when the subject matter is not within our control.)
(My dear friend… If you chose to end this friendship for that mistake that I have done, I am sorry but I won’t entertain your drama. I have tried and done what I have to do. So, I wish you best of luck.)
“All the best, Sona.” I whispered.
4) Within Life (Going Forward)
(‘To do or not to do? To change or not to change?’ It all subjects to the will of the person in topic. To other people (or third party), I can only convince, advice and persuade. So, I choose to whom I would spend my time to do that for them. And I would limit the needs to repeat the same action (say, convincing act) to only once. Don’t expect me to repeat it ten times on the same topic, to the same person. To family members, may I would try to repeat it for two times, the most. Everyone is already an adult that has their own thoughts and own way of doing things. They chose to take or ignore my suggestion as well.)
(What’s more when there are so many people out there. Why must I render my ‘help’ to one that refuses to change? There might be someone else out there – that I happened to meet – who really in need of an advice to help them considering a change for better? I don’t see the point of keep my focus on one person who insists on his or her way of doing things.)
(Have it your way then. Everyone has to take the consequences of the decision and action they took. Same goes for me.)
(Enough with the people pleasing. It’s just all-in-all tiring. It wasn’t happened only within family members, friends, social medias, but at work as well.)
(Oh yeah, own needs should come above all. I can help many people if I want to but I shouldn’t overdo it to the point of ‘destructing’ myself and my personal needs – both physically and mentally. Self growth is a topic that shouldn’t be ignored.)
(Alright, time for my evening brisk walk.) Jane grabbed on her mobile phone and earpieces, walked out from her house with her sneakers.
There she went – Jane started to sing throughout that one-hour brisk walk around the neighbourhood.
