Notes from the author :
If you would like to read from the beginning of the story (i. e. Part 1), just click on the [CLICK HERE] button. Enjoy your reading!
Part 2 of the story begins…
After Jana heard from her superior, Tom, about Candice (i. e. the HR colleague)’s ‘accusation’ that her resignation was due to the ‘clash’ conversations she had with Jana, mostly via emails; Jana didn’t feel good actually. (C’mon, would anyone feel good when you were blamed for something you that didn’t do?)
(What exactly was she referring to? Which email? Which email subject? Or which sentence that she found uneasy?) Email by email, Jana flipped through her memories, tried to see which might be the root cause that triggered Candice’s sensitive reaction.
(How far of a history should I retrieve the conversations we had? I have no clue since when she took the matter personally and held it as grudges towards me.) “Jeez…” Jana rolled her eyes and shifted her focus back onto her work instead.
The next week, one of the weekdays, I saw her walking past my office, and her partner, i. e. the director who conveyed the reasons of her resignation to my superior, was in the office as well.
(Should I? Should I?) Jana have the urge to invite both of them to have a chat; a little confrontation to clarify on that ‘accusation’. “Could you please tell me which matter you were referring to?” was what Jana wanted to ask them, face to face. But… She held back. Why? Her superior’s advice rang behind her mind – “They are sensitive at the moment; try to work in a much harmony way and not to trigger any unnecessary emotional conflict at work.”
(Ha-ha… When I merely focused on subject matter and looked for improvement in process efficiency and/or work output; yet my actions had been viewed as troublemaker. What the hxck.)
Jana looked away and not even wanted to lay her gaze onto this disappointing couple.
This dilemma of whether to confront them has been repeating in Jana, for a few more days that week. Each time, Jana held back. She can’t seem to handle the ‘accusation’ well.
Jana departed home for one-week leaves.
During the breakfast time with her father at the local coffee shop. Jana shared this ‘office drama’ with him.
“Your boss can see the whole picture then. She resigns; but what that has to do with you?” Her father can grasp the scenario just like Tom did. Jana somewhat felt relief. “Precisely! I don’t even know what triggered her emotion.”
“Pa… I think of writing an email, put down my observations throughout these years on this bossy lady, and then share it with my superior…” Jana murmured after a sip of coffee. She stared to the far front; she knew her father heard her.
“No need. You superior already know the reason.” He said. But, at that moment, the stubborn Jana didn’t process his words well. She insisted on what she has in mind.
After lunch with her parent, at home, Jana started to set up her laptop and made herself a big cup of milk coffee, occupied the dining table that has cleaned up. She down poured her thoughts into words; all the observations on each matter that she had encountered with Candice in the past were laid out, point by point. She highlighted a few significant events where Candice’s unprofessional respond was demonstrated.
Jana wrote and wrote. Nearly reached three thousand words, in that afternoon. Jana drank the last sip of her coffee and saved the words file into her pen drive. She put her laptop aside.
(Enough, for today. I have a little headache and my eyes are blurry now.)
For the next two days, Jana read through her writeup, over and over. Some sentences and words needed for further amendment.
(Some were too harsh, nope. Oh… This example was overly personal attack, nope. I shouldn’t go towards that direction. Be neutral and focus on subject matter.)
Rounds of revision made on her file.
(Alright. I’ve added a paragraph elaborating the incident where the bossy lady instructed another colleague to do the work on her behalf. And the last part was more towards what I might do if I get triggered by them again. That part should be fun to readers.)
Jana shut down her laptop and she planned to have this file sent out to her superiors (all three of them) tomorrow morning.
In those three days, Jana had her earpiece put on and video clips played through her mobile phone. She listened to songs as well as some short video clips on wisdom quotes. She needed some ‘voices’ to accompany her while she was busy typing. She didn’t find those voices or music disturbing; but instead, it helped her to stay alert and relax her mind. Jana would even sing along or pause on her typing work for a while to listen to some meaningful sentences in those clips.
Jana, literally, stayed at home more than heading out to meet up with her friends or do a little shopping spree, in her entire one-week leaves. But she felt good. She spent more time at home with her parents. Time flies. Two more days, she would have to fly back to Singapore.
On Thursday night, after shower, Jana laid on the bed listening to some tutorial video clips on mindset and positive attitude. Suddenly, a sentence in one of the clips caught her attention. She paused the video and replay where that sentence started. She listened to it, three times.
‘Continue to be yourself, stay authentic and hold the truth.’
‘Keep the truth in you.’
‘Don’t let external energy affect you.’
‘Don’t let other people’s emotion affect your thoughts.’
‘There’s no need to proof the truth to others. No need to be triggered by their words. Just be you.’
Jana went into silence for a moment. Her mind was busy processing these words and the massive messages behind those short yet significant sentences.
(Oh, my gosh… What have I done?!?) Jana stared at the ceiling fan that was still spinning, at the slowest speed – one. The video clip has finished playing and stopped. She didn’t reach out to her mobile phone but left it, left everything at the way they were at that moment. Her focus wasn’t on any of those material items. Jana was lost in her thoughts.
(From the decision I made and action that I had put in for the past few days, aren’t I actually being successfully triggered by her ‘accusation’ on me? I didn’t handle it wisely but being twirled and sucked into the emotional whirlpool that was full of anger, complain and even revenge! Oh, my God…)
(I thought I have started to practice the guidance I learnt from the video clip of ‘When Buddha Rejects A Gift’. I should have ignored the words and energies other people sent my way, I should have stayed neutral and not being affect a tiny bits by those negative substances. I didn’t… I forgot about that tutorial, totally. What am I doing? On one hand, I shared the link on this video clip with my other colleagues, yet I was the one still not put it into practice.)
(What’s the difference between her and I, now? Aren’t we the same? Keep pointing out each other’s weakness and what one has done wrong in the past? How childish could I be.) I rolled to the side. My eyes were losing focus to the space in front of my bookshelf.
(Keep the truth to myself? Would that help? Would my name be ‘cleansed’ without any clarification or explanation from my end? But my superior already knew what and where gone wrong. Yeah, my boss already knew it.)
Jana let out a heavy sigh…
(Alright, no need to send out that word file. Keep it in my pen drive. That’s all.) Her mind was cleared, thoughts were fixed. She switched of the light and went straight to bed.
“Thank you, Gods and Guides… for sending me such useful messages and pulling me back to the right track. Thank you, Pa…” Jana murmured before she fell into sleep.
“Pa, I’d take your advice. I’m not sending that letter telling my boss about my observations on that colleague.” Jana said to her father when he drove them to have tea break, near the town area.
“Yeah, no need. Your boss already knew. If you send it again, what would he think – what was the purpose/objective you’re trying to achieve there?” He replied after figuring out what Jana was referring to.
“Yeah. Understand. I’m not sending.” Jana re-assured him.
(I’ve learnt my lesson. I wasn’t emotionally stable and still easily triggered by other’s words. Sometimes, I can still hold back but ‘holding back’ doesn’t mean I am letting it go.)
(I’ve learnt my lesson. I wasn’t emotionally stable and still easily triggered by other’s words. Sometimes, I can still holding back but ‘holding back’ doesn’t mean I am letting it go.)
(Keep working on, self!)
This time, Jana really put this ‘office drama’ topic aside and fully focus on spending quality time with her family. Not much time left before she leaving her hometown.