For one that has been working and staying in another country, Megan kept in touch with her family through phone calls, a way better communication tool than mailing letters. Among her family members, her father was the one that conversed with her the most. Her siblings seldom contacted her unless… there was something they want or need from her. As for her mother, only a few courtesy conversation maintained.
Mother: I have nothing much to talk to her.
Megan’s mother waved her hand when Megan’s father intended to hand over the phone to her in living room, said so.
Father: She has nothing to chat. How’s your work?
Megan: Ha-ha… Indeed, I have nothing to talk to her too. All good.
Father-daughter continued their phone conversation as usual.
Father: Last weekend, I went to visit your elder aunt (i.e. his elder sister).
Megan: How was she?
Megan remembered updating her father about elder aunt’s situation not long after Jane, Megan’s cousin sister, sent her a message about their elder aunt. Their elder aunt had diabetes and already at a stage where she has no choice but to amputate her left leg. Megan’s family visited her elder aunt during last new year. That was a year ago. When Megan shared that news with her father; he was so choked with sadness and speechless to hear such thing happened to his sister. He has no courage to go see her in person, in a short period of time as he couldn’t handle his emotion and wasn’t ready to see her condition.
Father: Her leg was cut off. I was so sad to see her situation. I then passed her some money. She was so pity… Her daughter, together with her son in-law have been stolen all her savings for their own use. Now, she was left with nothing; no income for living expenses.
Megan listened quietly.
Elder aunt has been living with her daughter even after her daughter married to her son in-law. Now, all four of them (with two of their sons) were living with elder aunt, under one roof. They have been spending on elder aunt’s hard-earned savings. Her son in-law was a gambler without a stable job. Her daughter also not working but joined her husband selling some stuff as hawker, once a while. That was all they do.
Father: They (elder aunt’s daughter and son in-law) cunningly withdrew all her money from her bank account and even stolen her jewelry. Nothing left now.
Megan: That’s not new. She (elder aunt) let them and allowed them to continue doing so.
Megan’s sharp tongue stated the fact made her father paused for words, for a while.
Megan: When she found out they did that for the first time, she should have done something but she didn’t. Things continued repeating and now, nothing’s left. Who to blame?
Father: She wasn’t well educated but a mere pig farmer in rural area. After her husband passed away due to stroke; her daughter was the only one she has.
Megan knew all those past history.
Father: She called me not long after I visited her asking me to lend her some money…
Megan remained silence as she never likes such money-related news.
Father: She asked for fifty thousand dollars.
Crazy! Megan shouted behind her monkey mind.
Father: I told her I don’t have and she scolded me for not helping her. She promised to repay me back.
Megan: How? She has no income. That whole family will use up all the money she gets anyway. It’s a black hole.
Father: … I’d give her some of my money every month. Say, one or two hundreds. That would be my own money.
Megan’s father kept emphasizing that.
Megan: Dad, those money that we (both Megan and her siblings) gave to you and mum are for your monthly living expenses use; for you to go buy and eat whatever that you want; not for you to hand to over to someone else. Don’t you later turn around and asking more from us simply because you have insufficient money for yourself. I’m not going to give more. She (elder aunt) is not my responsibility. My responsibility is both you and mum, only.
Megan said that boldly.
Megan knew her father was and has been a kind-hearted person; she loved this side of her father too. But, not over-done when at a time like this.
Megan remembered saying the same to her father when her youngest brother who bought a new house and told her father that he was not going to give him any more monthly expenses due to his heavy commitment thereafter.
“Bullshxt! What a lame excuses he has there. Parents’ monthly expenses should be his fixed expenses and whatever commitment should be secondary. How dare he said that? That house that he bought would become his property in the end. Before he bought it, he must have properly calculated his monthly spending. Don’t come and tell me that and asking me and his elder brother to cover for his share of parents’ monthly expense. Get lost!” Megan said that loud and clear when her father told her about her youngest brother’s decision and message. That was two years ago.
And now, Megan’s father ‘approved and accepted’ the same treatment on such money matters, again.
Why must I bear all those people’s consequences of their own decision and action? And why are you always accepted their request and asking me to take it all on my shoulder? Simply because I was single and I should spend all my savings for others without considering my own retirement use? How bias can you be, dad? Megan blown up with anger when recalling those past and current incidents. All those thoughts and questions boomed one after another in her mind but she didn’t shout all that over the phone at her father.
Father: But… she is so pity.
Megan: There’s a lot of pity people out there, am I to take care of all of them? She has to take the consequences of the decision she made. She asked money from you and when you rejected, she scold you for being heartless. Is that right, you tell me.
Megan replied in an instance.
No one has the right over someone’s else money. Don’t you (whoever you are) ever try to lay your hands and occupy the savings that I built up throughout my long career life!
Her father sensed her anger tone over the phone.
Megan: Let me say this one more time, if you want to give her (elder aunt) the money we given you, that’s your choice but don’t you come back and ask for more. I won’t commit to that.
Megan’s father stayed silent.
Megan: … Alright, I am going to take my shower. Chat next time.
Father: Okay, good night.
Megan: Take care and good night.
Time flew by so fast. Another year came. Megan still remained living in neighbour country and worked hard to complete the tasks assigned onto her job position. She only managed to go back to her hometown visiting her parents and family, two to three times a year. She saw those inevitable aging signs on both her parents’ face and body.
Megan felt heavy at heart. She wanted to spend more time with her parents but the life choices she made in reality has become a blockage to that. Her love towards her parents never reduce even though there wasn’t much to talk over the phone but only those few daily courtesy greetings.
One day, when Megan made a phone call home, her father shared something new with her.
Father: Do you know what happened yesterday?
Megan: Yesterday? Do you mean Jane’s visit? I saw the photo shared by eldest brother in our group chat messenger where he gave Jane a lift to the airport.
Father: Yes. Jane returned all the way from the states the day before yesterday. She put both her son and daughter at her only brother’s house and returned back to the states yesterday.
Megan: What? Just returned for one day? She left her kids with her parents, just like that?
Father: Yes. She gave money, about one thousand US dollars to her mom as living expenses for both of her kids.
Megan: Insane! What kind of arrangement was that? Jane’s parents are old already and that house was her brother’s house. I doubt that Jane’s brother would agree to that.
Father: Let me finish first.
Megan continued listening to that shocking news.
Father: Her ex-husband (i.e. Jane’s divorced partner) had an accident and broken his leg. Now his house was so messy and dirty for no one to clean up for him. Jane received complaints from his neighbours. She has to handle that and she was worried that the authority might come and catch (prison) them for offending the local regulations. She worried that might affected her kids. So, she quickly flew them back and parked them here with her parents. She gave her mom a thousand US dollars. That’s about five thousand dollars here.
Megan: C’mon, one thousand US dollars can last for how long? And how long does she plan to let her kids staying here? You think that’s enough as living expenses when her plan in undefined and the ‘stay over’ period is unknown?
Megan was able to share her honest words and genuine thoughts with her father in all their conversations. Her father can maintain their conversation and sometimes, gave her some rational and useful advices based on his past experiences, at work or in daily life. Megan enjoyed the conversation with her father; no one among her family members but her father.
Father: She said she would continue sending money for their living expenses.
Megan: Does Jane’s brother agree to that? From the character he carries thus far, I doubt he agrees to that though. Not only does he have both his parents living with him, he has his own family of four to take care and staying in that same house too. Taking care of other’s kids is not an easy commitment. It’s not just feeding them food. The responsibilities are heavy. Not everyone would be ready to take up such extra commitment.
Father: She is our family. When she is helpless, we must help her. Who else is there to help her? She’s alone there.
Megan’s father raised his voice a little.
There he goes again… ‘This one is pity; that one is pity and we MUST help all of them’. Give me a break. When can you fine-tune and control your generosity mode a little? Megan rolled her eyes when she heard such comment from her father.
Father: That’s what I wanted to share with you. Have a good rest.
Guess he was pissed off by my ugly truth words just now. Megan thought so.
Megan: Alright, good night.
Father: Good night.
Megan’s father ended the phone call.
Two days later, Megan’s father called.
Father: Jane called me and cried. She said her brother kept demanding her to take both her kids back to the states.
See? I doubt that cousin brother would agree to cousin sister’s decision. When dad said that Jane passed the money to her mother, that already triggered my doubts. If cousin brother agreed to Jane’s decision, wouldn’t she hand over the money to her brother instead? He is the bread winner that led the whole family in that house. Megan was busy analyzing the situation behind her mind.
Father: She cried while telling me the treatment she received from her brother.
There was nothing wrong in cousin brother. I would angry too if I were in his situation. Simply dumping her kids in my house and she just flew back to the states just like that? How irresponsible could she be? Megan replied in her monkey mind while keeping her mouth shut.
Father: She has no job at the moment. She said she received a job offer as a teacher in next month. But she wanted to take up Grab Taxi job. I advised her to take up that full time job as a teacher would be a wise choice. Taxi driver’s job is not stable and how many passengers can she get in a day over there? No one knows. She slowly calmed down and gave it a thought. She decided to take up the job offer as a teacher. And once she is settled down with a stable job, she can then bring her kids returned to the states next.
How long would that be? She doesn’t have a job at the moment, so how to firmly said that she could continuously sending money for her kids living expenses use? A list of questions popped up behind Megan’s mind.
Megan: Dad, please don’t get angry on what I am about to say. Please don’t simply agree to taking care of her kids if she ever asked you to.
Father: Nah… she dares not ask me that.
Megan: Yeah, right. ‘Uncle, please~ help me…’ You would be shaken and agreed without second word.
Megan mimicked her cousin sister in addressing her father and saying those pleading words.
Father: We (i.e. both your mum and I) are old already. We can’t do that anymore.
Megan: No matter what, please don’t simply agree to that. Don’t break the fragile harmony and stability we have and maintain in our family.
I am neither a millionaire nor a charity body. Even if I am, I would still analyzing all those never-ending demands from others. To help or not to help, that depends on the situation and my readiness to perform any charity act or good deeds. Megan was firmed with her thought.
Father: … I hear you.
Megan: Tomorrow is public holiday here.
Father: Great. Any plan for tomorrow?
This pair of father-daughter easily switched their conversation topic without any difficulties, without any uneasy feeling.
I have been observing and learning about the relationship among the family members and the strength and readiness to work towards maintaining the harmony in each family members. That’s pretty important but I don’t know how many people out there did this.
For Megan’s encounters, not all of her family members were ready to compromise, to commit, to sacrifice or to work together as a family. So, she has to bluntly state the ugly facts and any possible negative impact from each consequences beforehand, even though she knew that many would call her a heartless person. Too many people around Megan that has shamelessly holding her to be responsible for their life, for they not being as successful in their career, for they not being capable of raising their family members, for they not making a wise decision and lazy to fight for a better life…
These people are in need of someone to give them a virtual slap by saying “Who do you think you are?” to their face. Everyone has to take the consequences of their decision and action. As simple as that. Megan smirked at her own thoughts. She let the day off free of plan.
Just go with the flow~