Career-related
“You spent too much time on their reports.” Ex-boss# 1 said.
(Excuse me, you want me to lead them and be their back-up whenever my subordinate goes on leave. So, shouldn’t I at least need to know in detailed what and how the reports they are working on?)
“The report you prepared is not accurate. See this report from business analysis has?” Ex-boss# 2 said.
(Yeah right… You didn’t want to spend money to hire a business analyst and asked me who has no business analyst knowledge to prepare the analysis report for you. And now, you have the room to hire one, you take their report to compare to my work? Of course, there might be error somewhere when I am not analyst-background.)
“Urgh!!” whenever such situation happens, I can only bite on my teeth, and endure all in. Throughout the career life of Lemmy, she has experienced numerous annoying comments from her bosses. Well, they were all now her ex-bosses. Lemmy has, literally, ‘sacked’ them. Yes, she resigned and changed job.
Lemmy is not the only one that faced such verbal-attacked from her superior, at work; many people in different part of this world, might face it too. Maybe the comments are different but the mental stress caused by it, more or less is the same to the individual employee.
Lemmy has been working as an accountant for years, in different companies. The longest employment she has been with, was for about five years. Various reasons in each job change. It could be change of country of living, career development, job security and so on. Human, has emotion; not all are rational and with high EQ. When your boss can’t demonstrate these qualities, imagine the level of harmony you could get in your daily work life. Unfair treatment or bias, work contribution was not appreciated; what could have been worse than having one to criticise on your knowledge and doubt on your personality?
In her past employment with ex-boss #2, the one where she has worked for five-year long, Lemmy has been suffering verbal-abuse from her boss. She didn’t even realise it as being an Asian, we were taught to endure and keep it all in (most of the time, don’t fight or talk back). This is not healthy! Lemmy only learned about this later year, from a self-help book.
‘Stable your emotion. Don’t rely on external factor(s) to obtain and ascertain your happiness, be it at work, love or daily life. Look from within.’
‘In whatever you do, make sure you are happy. Happy to be in that group of people, happy to be in that environment, happy as good energy is reciprocated both ways. Equal give and take.’
She tried to comprehend those wisdom phrases.
In her career with the ex-boss# 1, she was so pissed of by the bias view and treatment she received. Lemmy decided to resign; so she started to search for a new job. All she has in her mind was “Let me find a job, and then I tender my resignation letter at once. Let her (i.e. ex-boss# 1) suffer the workload when I’m not around.” Revenge energy overwhelmed her.
Lucky, Lemmy got a job offer; and she tendered her resignation letter on the same day. Her ex-boss# 1 was rather shocked by her resignation. Lemmy served the notice period and leave the workplace. All the workloads that she has been handling should now all on her ex-boss# 1. Lemmy was naïve. In reality, nothing as she has thought.
A month after her resignation, she had a coffee catch-up with her ex-colleague who was from another department. They chatted and of course, some work-related topics were mentioned. “Nope, seems like she just allocated all your work onto Wendy. Wendy was so stressed, until not joining us for lunch anymore. Busy was what we often heard from Wendy. She even brings files home to continue working.” Janet says.
“What? All on Wendy? Crazy! Wendy is not even accountant-background but accounts executive only.” Lemmy was speechless. On her way home, she thought it through… Her intention to ‘revenge’ her ex-boss# 1 was not successful. In reality, as a boss, he or she can always assign the tasks onto existing team members; boss might not be the one to work on it. So, the pain won’t affect boss a tiny bit but onto the poor team member that gets to be assigned to take up more tasks.
(What was I doing? Aren’t I stupid? Thinking that she would take the hit and realize the workload and stress I have been taken on my shoulder all these whiles. Ended up, she is still ‘free’ as usual.)
Lesson learnt – No point in ‘revenge’.
In Lemmy’s career with ex-boss# 2. Scenario was slightly different. It was a start-up company where its cash position is quite rocky (e.g. unstable). In order to control on spending, ex-boss# 2 wasn’t hiring the expertise that he really needs at that moment. He assigned the analysis work to Lemmy even though Lemmy re-emphasised that she has no finance analysis knowledge but accounting background.
“You can do it. Shouldn’t be a problem for an accountant.” He said to Lemmy, tried to persuade her to take the task. Lemmy has no choice but went to self-study from internet for the tips she can pick up and do the task. Report submitted and boss was happy.
Two months later, he hired an experienced business analyst to join the company. Adam was a smart guy and quick in preparing any report that boss required. Boss was amazed by his work to the point of comparing his work to what Lemmy has prepared for him in the past. Errors spotted and blames and angers were vent onto Lemmy. What can Lemmy do other than being verbally-shamed by her boss?
She has no will to continue working in this company, or work for her boss (to be précised). Such a demotivating environment, can she be happy? She started to look for new job; quietly. She continued to give her best in her job scopes, and all tasks were well-handled. No issues and headaches given to her boss. On the thanks giving day where her ex-boss# 2 was celebrating with his family in his homeland, Lemmy emailed her boss that she is resigning from her post, w.e.f. from that day. Her boss immediately called her on oversea phone call. “Are you joking? C’mon, don’t do this to me, Lemmy…” He said with disappointment tone. “It’s time, I have to go. Thank you for everything. I’d serve my notice period.” Lemmy replied calmly, no anger, no hatred.
Notice period served and all work properly handed over, without any open items in between. Lemmy bid farewell with her colleagues and ex-boss# 2. She stepped out the office with a happy and relief mood. “Huh… Good work. Let’s move on.” She said to herself.
Time flies, she has been working in the new company for one year plus already! She enjoys her work although sometimes workload and timelines were tight, but still manageable. Supportive environment and colleagues were what she has been looking for, for so long.
One weekend afternoon, her ex-colleague called. (Hmm… She seldom contacts me outside of work. What could it be?) Lemmy still picked up the phone. “Hi, Peggy, what’s up?” courtesy greetings started from both ends. Then Peggy started to ‘dig’ on where Lemmy is currently working. Lemmy knows her well. A person that likes to ask and ‘dig’ on other colleagues’ work and personal matters but never once she shared and talked about her owns. To Lemmy, this type of people is on ‘to-be cautious’ group. As colleague, try not to disclose too much personal matters as you wouldn’t know what they would use that information for. And Lemmy, had witness this happened to her, to her surprise. Peggy pushed the blame onto Lemmy when ex-boss# 2 asked Peggy who did a particular report. Peggy thought that Lemmy who has just went to the washroom, wouldn’t hear what she just telling boss. (What the fxck!?! That report wasn’t done by me. Peggy, you were the one prepared and sent it without having me to review, not even once!) Lemmy, who came back from washroom heard her conversation with boss. “I heard my name, what are we having here? Oh, that report? Not done by me.” Lemmy said to her ex-boss# 2, with a smile. Peggy went silence. Ugly lies surfaced.
Lesson learnt; Lemmy would no longer disclose any personal matter to Peggy anymore. Peggy keeps asking which area Lemmy works now? Which industry? How’s work? And the sort… Lemmy just replied with general ‘surface’ answer. “Boss asked me to ask you if you’re interested to come back and work. He has a new post with wider job scope.” Peggy finally revealed the main objective of her surprise call to Lemmy.
(Ha-ha~ going back to work for him? You must be kidding me! Next life, maybe.) Lemmy shouted out loud in her mind. “Oh really? Company expanding? Good for you all.” Lemmy said.
“Yes, that’s why boss is asking if you want to take up this post? It covers ASIA region and wider job scope than the previous one you handled.” Peggy continued.
“Thank you for his kind thoughts for still considering me. Say my thanks to him. But I don’t have plan to have career change now. I’m happy with my current job.” Lemmy replied. (Yeah, I’m happy with my current job. Why go back to that demotivating environment and toxic colleagues? That new post is somewhat not within my accounting knowledge and work experiences, to begin with. Don’t come back and blame me for issues that is beyond my knowledge. NO WAY!)
Politely, Lemmy rejected her invitation to have a chat with ex-boss# 2; and ended the call.
(Wow! I feel good! Better than anything else! I think to have ex-boss to call you and offer you to join them once again, this kind of ‘revenge’ is the best! Glad that I made the right decision, I put and deliver my best work and then leave. Now, they knew my worth by not having one that gave the same energy as I did, they miss me.)
Revenge – success! In a good way.
“I FEEL GOOD~ da da dala da da la~ I FEEL GOOD~” Lemmy sang in her room.
Happy mode emits 360 degrees.
Love-related
Isn’t it funny? Not even meet up or be together physically, this couple also can have heated up quarrel. But still their relationship continued.
Clara, 32, a professional woman who is still single. She happened to meet a Taiwanese man, (30 years old) when she visited that country for a short vacation. Messaging each other started after her departure from Taiwan. Not long after, phone conversations began. They both started a long-distanced relationship.
It’s not easy for Clara, to have her first love to be long-distanced relationship. No experience; therefore emotions triggered along the way, out of her control. Sometimes, sweet talks and romantic conversations between them; sometimes, anger word lashed out due to tiredness at work or individual’s emotional handling issues.
As a newbie, Clara tried the trick – ‘to lie to the other party to see if they would ever get jealous’. Clara lied to her boyfriend saying that she’d be joining a gathering with her group of friends.
“Would there be men in the group?” Her boyfriend asked. “I don’t know, might be, some of them were invited by my girlfriends and I don’t know their network.” Clara continued with her lies.
“Don’t stay too late. Call me when you’re done.” He said. “Okay, sure. Chat later, love you.” Clara ended the call, with a smirk on her face. In fact, she didn’t go out that night. She stayed at home doing nothing. She only called her boyfriend around 12 midnight to show that she just reached home from the party.
The conversation vibe wasn’t good. Her boyfriend doesn’t feel good but Clara does. (He is jealous, ha-ha! He is!) She was happy to know that.
But what good does it bring? She never thinks about that.
Nearly one and a half year, this long distanced-relationship has been going on between the two of them. Clara travelled to Taiwan and once a while her boyfriend travelled to meet her instead. Their phone conversations were getting shorter and shorter. Sometimes, less than five minutes, they ended the only call for that whole day. Feelings gotten shaky.
Clara sensed the change.
(What’s more can they chat when they never experienced and spent the time together? I have nothing much to talk to him either. All that we can chat, we have done so in the past conversations…)
Recent conversations led to nowhere, mostly lingers on finance and future plan investments. But her boyfriend doesn’t seem ready with all these future plans that he has. Was he panic or what? As a professional woman, review and analyse on project plan is her daily work. There are no rational steps on all those dreams. And what’s more, most of the investment, he was thinking of using Clara’s savings! (Do you think I am stupid or what?) Clara started to sense the immaturity in her boyfriend. Their conversations and vibes led her to call for a break-up.
Clara planned a surprise visit to her boyfriend. She just wanted to see him one last time before calling off this long-distanced relationship. She knows the password to the door lock; she entered his bedroom, sneakily…
No one knows how worried Clara was at that moment. (What happen if there’s another woman sleeping next to him when I opened the bedroom door?) Her hands were shaking when she opened the door.
“Huh… He was alone, on his bed…” huge relief Clara let out. She climbed onto his bed and slept next to him. Just a nap not really falling asleep. She then saw her boyfriend’s reaction when he woke up to see her laying next to him. He was so shocked! (Ha-ha~)
“Hey, Honey! Good morning and surprise!” Clara smiled at his shocking expression. He then calmed down and brought her for breakfast before he started his daily work. No lovey-dovey interactions among them. No hugs, no kisses.
Again, Clara’s instinct-alarm rang. (That’s fine… I’m here to break up with him. That’s fine…) She calmed herself down by ignoring those alarms.
Her boyfriend planned a short trip to nearby seaside to spend the weekend with Clara. At certain moments, they were both quiet and zero conversations. At certain moment, they both talked but seems like only when situation needed them to talk; like ‘What to eat? Where to go?” No chatting topics that usual couples would have but more like friends…
Clara’s eyes sometimes, flooded with tears. But she never let he see. She cried quietly while staring to the sea view from the hotel room. His boyfriend ran down to the shop to help getting her some toiletries items that the hotel didn’t provide. It took him long enough to get that item.
Clara was alone in the room. Their bags were laying on the floor, his wallet can be seen from far, in his open backpack. She picked it up and opened it. An ID-sized photo was there in his wallet. Not Clara, but a young lady with long hair was in that ID photo. Clara cried instantly. Her instinct was right! Their relationship already has issues.
She closed his wallet and put it back to his backpack, the way it was previously. Until she finished crying, he was still not returning from the drug shop. (What took him so long? Was he making phone calls to his darling young lady?) Clara asked herself.
Nealy an hour, he returned to the room. Clara pretended to put back the change back to her bag and then ‘accidentally’ dropped his wallet to have ‘seen’ that ID photo of that lady. Clara lifted his wallet and shown him what she just saw. He started to panic. He quickly grabbed his wallet and tear off that ID photo in front of Clara. Clara shown no emotion to his action.
His attitude towards Clara changed 180 degrees thereafter. He kept apologizing, kept explaining and sweet-talked to Clara. (Wow! What a change.) She thought.
(Oh, the gym store assistance? Who would put the store assistance’s photo in their wallet? You think I’m three-year-old, is it?)
(Maybe he still wants to cling onto this rather-high-paid-professional girlfriend… for his future investment plans…)
Clara’s decision to break-up is even firmer after this incident.
When they returned to the city where he stayed, they went for dinner. After the dinner, this night was the last night Clara stays in Taiwan, she’d be departing from Taiwan tomorrow afternoon.
They were watching television’s show as no conversation between them.
“I have something to tell you…” Clara looked at her own twitching fingers, emotions flooded her, she said the words that she has never once said in her life – “Let’s break up.”
“Huh? What? What are you talking about?” He looked at her and asked.
“Let’s break up.” She repeated the sentence, with her heart broken into pieces. Tears started to drop from her eyes.
“Then why you came to Taiwan? Why this trip?” He questioned her.
Caressing his face with her fingers, “Because I wanted to see you, for the last time.” Her voice was shaking, words came out in crying tone. She cried and let it all out. He went silent.
The room was only having the sounds from the TV’s show. They both went silence. Clara laid down to sleep. It’s late. “Let’s sleep, don’t think too much.” He said. Turned off the TV, he then laid down and sleep as well.
(Now, recalling it… He might be in dilemma as well on this ‘break-up’ suggestion from me, I guess. Then he can continue with her young lady’s love relationship.) One afternoon, Clara’s recalled about that night’s conversation, two years later after their break-up.
That night, they both had sex. But unlike the past sex they had shared, this night, he let ‘it’ out outside, not in her. (What a change. I know his answer as well.) Thank goodness, Clara didn’t get pregnant with this Taiwanese man.
Lesson learnt. ‘Revenge’ in love relationship? What for? It is a two-edge sword that hurts both ways. Don’t test your love relationship, please don’t! The relationship between two human beings can be very fragile, what’s more when that two human beings have no blood-relationship? Energy changes, emotional change, decision change follows next… The outcome might not be as what you have expected or thought of… Treat your partner sincerely; talk things through.
Again, healthy relationship required investment (be in time, effort, energy or love) from both ends. Equal give and take. If only one-sidedly investing into the relationship, it would soon collapse like the building construction.
